London Preppy

Monday 30/01/12

2012-01-30T13:58:00.002Z

A couple of months ago I created this and it's now gone facebook viral and I kinda wish I had put my name on it in the first place, so that everyone would know how amazing and witty I am. That's all, I guess.

Monday 23/01/12

2012-01-23T19:54:00.002Z

Here's a promo picture that my publisher, Limehouse Books, will be using (after they've edited it a bit, I guess) to promote the following two things:

a) The event Austerity Writes Back on Saturday 4th February 3pm in Whitechapel, London

Details here: https://www.facebook.com/events/295263930525277/

b) A free publication that will be coming out in March, which will include pictures, excerpts from Exit Through The Wound and a brand new, unseen short story [via Maine Hudson]

I guess more about that later.

Saturday 24/12/11

2011-12-24T06:18:00.003Z

There are three writing projects that I'd like to undertake in 2012. Of course this means that I'll probably not write anything instead, but the most important thing is to tell everybody that I'm 'working on something', right?

These projects are:

a) A second novel. Working title 'I'll Always Love You Less'. This will be the usual alienation / disaffection / messed up modern character stuff I've been writing about for the last half-decade on London Preppy and in Exit Through The Wound

b) Country guide to Greece. Not a travel guide, but more country / cultural guide, scrutinising the people in the country and their behaviour. This will be non-fiction and unfortunately it will also be bitter and twisted and from the perspective of someone with severe personality disorders like everything else I write :-( I guess the end goal is to be banned from ever going back there. Not really, I just think it will be quite funny

c) Same as (b) but for the USA

The Greece one has been building up inside me for the last, say, 31 years and inspiration for the USA one has been increasing via having an American partner and having visited the country five times over the last couple of years. What can I say, I love it there, but there is also a lot of 'whaaaaaah' and I've got to put it down somewhere. It's just not fair if I don't.

I accept any large commissions / free flights / chocolates and other treats that will help me write the above whilst also having a full-time job.

Thanks, bye.

Friday 23/12/11

2011-12-23T22:50:00.002Z

Maine Hudson, Chapter 40 of Exit Through The Wound:

Tuesday 13/12/11

2011-12-13T23:18:00.003Z

First this:

And, I guess, a reminder of this (in two days):

Thursday 01/12/11

2011-12-01T21:11:00.003Z

When people post 'end of year' lists, they frequently comment: 'this didn't seem like a great year for music, but looking back on my list now, oh my God, it was actually pretty amazing.' And although I love a good old cliche, unfortunately I can't use this one. For me there were a handful of brilliant albums and songs (between which I couldn't decide for my absolute favourite in each category) but overall I probably was left a little wanting. All through the year it felt like something fantastic was round the corner, but it never really came. I mean, I still got four, five albums that I absolutely love, but I guess I'm greedy and I wanted more.

Overall, as a year for music I'd score 2011 with a 7/10. I'd even give 2011 a pat on the back, but that's it. I would't grab 2011 and make out with it, nor would I rape it on a dark side-street in the pouring rain raging with desire. That is not the kind of risk that I would be willing to take for 2011.

Anyway, I've split my lists into two this year (electronic vs indie) to avoid ending up with a schizophrenic Top 50 where we have Mr Oizo next to Bon Iver.

And after all this chat, here's everything.

Top 15 Albums (Electronic)

Joint 1 (and I know this is cheating). Biophilia - Bjork / Safari Disco Club - Yelle

I'm sorry, but I can't decide between those two. Bjork is someone I've loved since I was 13 and obviously means a lot to me regardless, but still manages to put out an album that is special and unique and I've listened to endlessly. Yelle has given me so much pleasure this year, from listening to the songs, to seeing the guys live a couple of times and meeting them and generally reminding me what it's like to be young and fall for a band and be excited by it. So they're both no.1, Bjork for the 31-year-old me and Yelle for the 16-year-old that's buried somewhere in there, underneath all the trauma. (I over-thought this, didn't I?)

3. Arabian Horse - Gus Gus
4. Wolfram - Wolfram
5. In The Grace Of Your Love - The Rapture
6. The Sea Of Memories - Pallers
7. USA - Surkin
8. Total - SebastiAn
9. Holy Ghost! - Holy Ghost!
10. Stade 2 - Mr Oizo
11. Within And Without - Washed Out
12. You Are All I See - Active Child
13. Zonoscope - Cut Copy
14. House Of Balloons - The Weeknd
15. Part IV - Fred Falke

Top 10 Albums (Indie/Rock)

1. Bon Iver - Bon Iver
2. England Keep My Bones - Frank Turner
3. Black Rainbows - Brett Anderson
4. Hurry Up, We're Dreaming - M83
5. Cults - Cults
6. Go Tell Fire To The Mountain - Wu Lyf
7. Pala - Friendly Fires
8. Funny Looking Angels - Smith And Burrows
9. Belong - The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart
10. Strange Mercy - St Vincent

Top 25 Songs (Electronic)

1. With you (ft Alexis Taylor) - Carte Blanche
2. How deep is your love? - The Rapture
3. Mutual core - Bjork
4. Crystalline - Bjork
5. Crystalline (Omar Souleyman remix) - Bjork
6. Que veux-tu - Yelle
7. I need you now - Surkin
8. Hanging on - Active Child
9. High for this - The Weeknd
10. Dial my number - Sophie Ellis-Bextor
11. Within you - Gus Gus
12. Jealousy - Tepr
13. Warm in the winter - Glass Candy
14. Helix - Justice
15. Reckless (with your love) - Azari & III
16. Crazy for you (ft Annie) - Designer Drugs
17. Come back to me - The Rapture
18. Humdrum - Pallers
19. Another day - Chris Malinchak
20. Banana ripple - Junior Boys
21. Norway (ft Sebastian) - Wolfram
22. S'etaint le soleil - Yelle
23. Arabest - SebastiAn
24. Battle axe - Tepr
25. Panutup - Diskjokke

Top 25 Songs (Indie/Rock)

1. Redemption - Frank Turner
2. Unsung - Brett Anderson
3. Blue jeans - Lana Del Rey
4. Beth / Rest - Bon Iver
5. Abducted - Cults
6. Holocene - Bon Iver
7. Calgary - Bon Iver
8. One foot before the other - Frank Turner
9. Video games - Lana Del Rey
10. We bros - Wu Lyf
11. I am disappeared - Frank Turner
12. Brittle heart - Brett Anderson
13. Steve McQueen - M83
14. Not love - Babybird
15. When the Thames froze -Smith And Burrows
16. Oh my heart - R.E.M.
17. You are a tourist - Death Cab For Cutie
18. Towers - Bon Iver
19. Cruel - St Vincent
20. Belong - The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart
21. Never saw the point - Cults
22. To the alps - Princeton
23. Vomit - Girls
24. L Y F - Wu Lyf
25. Exile vilify - The National

Top 5 Remixes

1. High for this (Flufftronix remix) - The Weeknd
2. How deep is your love (A Trak remix) - The Rapture
3. I <3 u so (Skream remix) - Cassius
4. Midnight city (Trentemoller remix) - M83
5. I follow rivers (The Magician remix) - Lykke Li

I would link to each song and maybe put album covers in there too, but to be honest a) I don't have the strength and b) no one cares really, so let's leave it here.

Sunday 27/11/11

2011-11-27T22:33:00.005Z

Every Friday night, there’s a show on BBC2 called The Review Show. They’ve got an alternating panel of people on, people who have other jobs too I suppose, but their job here is to be critics. So during the week they’ve given them a movie to watch, maybe a TV show too, a book to read and sometimes an exhibition to go to and then they let them loose to critique it. There’s no other show on TV that interests me and terrifies me in equal measure, like The Review Show does. I record it each week and I have to gather the courage to watch it at some point during the weekend (fast forwarding through the bits that I’m not interested in, of course, which is most films and most exhibitions). But when they start talking about the books, oh God, I get completely sucked in, but at the same time watching is so uneasy.

Whether they’re talking about an unpublished Kerouac novel or a Joan Didion memoir or something by a new less established writer (though let’s face it, for any book to land on the show it needs to have some serious publisher muscle behind it) I can’t help by wonder what they would say if they were discussing Exit Through The Wound.

As I said there’s a rotating panel, but the key components basically are:

- An middle-aged character actress of some sort who’s there to be nice about the things that are not her medium (books / exhibitions / other) and namedrop other actors who have actually made it when it comes to the films / TV shows

- One of those malformed, grey-haired critic bros whose actual job is to wear black and appear on TV talking about other people’s work

- Germaine Greer (or similar)

- A university literature professor who’s there to pick the prose apart when it comes to the book reviews and analyse it as if they’re talking to a room of post-grad Lit students they’re fed up with

All of the above actually stress me (though the lit professor most of all, naturally) because they really go for it. They discuss book content, style, motivation, effect; they discuss the authors, their lives, their worth. They don’t necessarily always say mean things, most reviews are mixed if you take an average across the panel, but the fact is that everything is discussed in detail. And to be honest although there is a part of me that would kill for my book to be on there (BBC EXPOSURE, PPL) another part knows that I could never watch it, if it were.

So, I’m not sure exactly how Exit Through The Wound comes across to anyone out there. Being a first-time writer with a very small publisher means that it hasn’t got picked up for review by any major streams. In terms of actual reviews there has been one on QX magazine and one on the So So Gay website, and from what I understand there will also be one in Esquire magazine in a couple of months. From there on, I’ve become aware of some online reviews by individual bloggers, like Sam Downing or Jimmy Bramlett. There are several favourable reviews on Amazon – both US and UK – and there are also a few on the GoodReads website. Now if I also take the next step of googling my name and book title I also come across a couple of messageboards where people are discussing me, but in reality they’re not discussing the book, they’re just discussing London Preppy, the character they think I am and, in summary, how I look really shallow and stupid and self-involved and therefore my book must be crap. (Just an FYI for the people who think that side of my online presence a reflection on Exit Through The Wound, hey, did you know how many NEW books come out each year in the UK? Around 200,000. And in the US? Around 290,000 [thank you, Wikipedia]. So my direct competition of newly-published books this year in my two biggest markets are about 500,000 and if me taking my shirt off and posting a picture on Tumblr makes me stand out even a tiny little bit and causes even two more people to look up my book, I’m gonna do it bro, sorry).

So yeah, I guess I wanted to say all this in terms of Exit Through The Wound reception. In reality, I know that reading reviews of your art / work is not really beneficial and it can fuck you up big time. Plus it really shouldn’t matter what other people think (unless every single person tells you that it’s really shit, in which case perhaps you should sit down and have a think about it, but thankfully this hasn’t happened).

Point is that I’m at a stage where I’m planning my next book. And though I don’t really know what those guys at The Review Show might make of Exit Through The Wound, the feedback I’ve got from regular peoples, like, seems to be pretty good. And I’m thankful for every single person who has messaged me or seen me and told me that they read it and liked it. And I guess we’re allowed to move forward and plan the next one, right? I think we are.

(Please note, ETTW has only been out for 2 ½ months and I’ll be spending the next year promoting it; I have events / readings booked for several months ahead, I’m not about to give up on it, but in my head I have to be prepared to write a second one, this is what this post is all about).

Wednesday 23/11/11

2011-11-23T19:00:00.003Z

Right, here are the details of the event in LA in a couple of weeks. There will be a 'meet and greet' (everyone loves these social situations and they are not awkward AT ALL, right?) I'll read a bit from the book, maybe for ten minutes or so, and then we can all go home. How about it?

Monday 21/11/11

2011-11-21T21:30:00.002Z

Thanks to everyone who emailed about the ETTW cover art. It will be making its way to Denver, Colorado this week to be united with its new rightful owner.

Thursday 10/11/11

2011-11-10T12:24:00.005Z

These are the events / readings I'm doing in November / December.

Please come...if you wanna.

Wednesday 16th November - Polari at Lo Profile LONDON

Info:

"London's peerless gay literary salon" pops down to Lo Proile.

Hosted by Paul Burston with authors DJ Connell, Timothy Graves and Jonathan Kemp (pictured), who have all been shortlisted for The Polari First Book Prize.

Plus North Morgan, reading from his debut novel 'Exit Through The Wound'

Free entry

Link: Polari at Lo Profile

Thursday 17th November - Limehouse Books Birthday Party LONDON

Info: Birthday Party with Rock, Roll, Poetry, and Maine Hudson. To celebrate the survival of Glass/Limehouse Books to a second anniversary, we will be having our very first gig.

Free entry

Link: Limehouse Books Birthday Party

Thursday 15th December - Reading at performance space LOS ANGELES

I'll post more details on this when I know them. Just as a heads up, it will be a reading as part of an arts centre's Lounge Reading Series. Please come if you're based around there. I don't think US events will be happening very often at this stage.

Monday 07/11/11

2011-11-07T18:54:00.007Z

I like this quote that someone wrote about Exit Through The Wound in an Amazon US review:

"Exceptionally funny, while also being an absolute downer"

It makes it sound like perfect Christmas reading material:

Outcome A - If the holiday season is bringing you down and you're feeling a little depressed, ETTW will push you over the edge and lead you to an early demise, perhaps by turning the gas on and sticking your head in the oven [via Sylvia Plath]. Though if you do that, it is advisable to seal the kitchen door with a wet towel to protect other members of the family who will be enjoying their sherry in adjoining rooms - there's no need to be a complete jackass and take them down with you.

Outcome B - if you like the holiday season and are particularly cheerful around Christmas, ETTW will provide you with some additional LOLZ

Anyway, here's another excerpt from the book. This is from chapter 3.

I've read this at a couple of events and nobody threw anything at me, so I'm going to assume that it went down well.

This is the Monday after the weekend and on this Monday, I opt to go to work, for no other reason apart from I have to. Had I chosen to stay and live in Athens, I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t have to go through this daily torture. My brother is 27 years old and he’s never had to do a day’s work in his life. I, however, am being punished for choosing to live abroad, a choice which my parents have decided to take as outright aggressive, part of a spiteful plot to hurt them and send them to an early grave. Hence, they’ve decided to only pay for my rent and bills while I stay in London, forcing me to have a job for my other living expenses. This, of course, is terribly unfair and it cuts me up inside. Not enough to move back to Athens, mind.

As a job, I have chosen to under-perform daily in a central London business consultancy. My full title is Associate in the Media Sector, and I’m not sure exactly what that involves, but I think it has a lot to do with turning up every day, emailing my colleagues Danny and Harper who work there with the same vicious abandon that I do, and occasionally interacting with clients who should know better than to pay me for my so-called services.

I got this job soon after I finished my MSc in European Public Policy at UCL, which I only took on just to delay getting a job another year (and it seemed like a good gateway to living in London). My first degree, a BA in Medieval and Early Modern History from Durham University was just about as useful as it sounds and it only served its purpose as a means for my Mum to show off to her friends. Admittedly, pointless Arts degrees do sound quite impressive and I’m not going to pretend I won’t push my children into something similar; if nothing else, just for the prestige. Any degree that’s practical or pragmatic or actually useful indicates that you need the work it’s likely to get you, which is as unattractive a concept as I’ve ever heard.

It took me just a couple of months in my current job to realise that working in an office is a wonderful thing, if you want to lose your self-respect and dignity nice and quickly. I estimate that people who work in an office doing something as tenuous as ‘consultancy’ die inside approximately 34 years earlier than people who have other, meaningful, worthy occupations.

In my brief office career, I have come across two types of people: those who don’t give a toss, and those whose lives are otherwise so empty that they do. The latter group is usually made up by people who are good at this. I’m not very impressed – being good at your office job is about as admirable as being good at wearing a hood and pointing out members of the resistance to Nazi officials in Germany circa 1939.

People who like working in an office get a huge sense of accomplishment and gradually develop a very smug, superior attitude. I come across those people occasionally. My boss’ boss, Jonathan, once mentioned in casual conversation that he gives ‘100% to everything he gets involved in’ (verbatim). I find it very hard to take in such a concept, considering that I haven’t given 100% cumulatively to everything I have ever gotten involved in grouped together.

In my lovely office, which occupies a provocatively gigantic building just off the Strand in central London, some people go into work early and leave very late, in order to impress their manager and benefit from future promotions, pay rises, bonuses, etc. The last time I had to play games like these, where I tried to appear busy in order to deceive somebody who held power over me, was when I was 11 and I had to run, open a textbook and pretend I’m doing my homework every time I heard my Father come home. I am not pre-pubescent anymore, so I won’t play along.

Soon after I started working there I realised that in an office environment, the variety of topics you can discuss with your colleagues in a social manner is both very limited and predictable. Having had a lobotomy will help you answer questions such as: ‘Any plans for the weekend?’, ‘How was your holiday?’, ‘How did your client meeting go yesterday?’ and ‘Have you got any annual leave left?’ for the millionth time in a manner that’s friendly, neutral and non-offensive. In fact, perhaps lobotomies should be offered upon joining my consultancy instead of the usual pension scheme contribution. I know which one I’d benefit more from in the short-term.

I do know of a three or four former colleagues (of the same Graduate intake as me) who tried to break free after deciding that their current role was not fulfilling, so they tried to get out of it and pursue a career change. Three months later, all these people found themselves working in a different office down the road for a rival consultancy, still wanting to kill themselves, but earning £10k less.

In the mornings, as I walk in my office, I often recall the Smiths’ lyric about looking for a job, finding one and still being miserable. But this does seem awfully pessimistic. It’s not all that bad. I try to keep in mind that working in an office will only take up – on average – 9 hours a day for 43 years of my life. Then I will suddenly be 67 and I’ll have the rest of my life ahead of me to do whatever the hell I want.

I’ve worked here for just over two years, but I think they regretted employing me right about the second week. I don’t see this as a personal failure though; I blame my lack of work ethic on my upbringing. When I was younger, every time it was mentioned in conversation that a friend of mine had got a part-time job after school or college or even University, Mum and Dad would sneer that theirs must have been a poor family, that they had to resort to pushing their kids into child labour, that it’s generally an embarrassing situation to find yourself in. Consequently, the lesson I took away from my parents was that work equals humiliation. And in terms of lessons that I’ve learnt I’m not willing to ever let this one go.

[...]

On this Monday morning, I walk through the revolving glass doors, take the lift up to the 6th floor, lower my eyes to the floor and walk to my desk. The beginning of a good day is one where no one says ‘Good morning’ from the moment I enter the building to the moment I sit on my chair. Today has been awesome so far. I turn on my laptop, open Outlook, ignore three client emails and make the executive decision to prioritise an email from Danny, a workmate I actually like, who joined the same time as me, is sitting three desks down and is one of the few people in the office who’s making my work ethic seem unbeatable. Danny has written:

‘Have you seen the video of the guy who was killed last February at the Olympics? I’m about to watch it on YouTube.’

‘Wait, somebody was killed six months ago at the Olympics? This is huge. I need to turn on that TV more often.’

‘Yes, I’m watching it now. It’s horrific.’ ‘Is there blood?’

‘No.’

‘OK. I’ll watch it anyway. Link?’

He sends me the link and a few minutes later I write back:

‘Right. You had made it sound worse. You don’t really get to see anything.’

‘Well, how often do you actually see somebody die?’ ‘Every day; when I look in the mirror.’

I spend the rest of the morning locked in the bathroom talking to Sadie on the phone and then back at my desk reading Wikipedia entries on Albert Camus, Melissa Joan Hart, the TV show The Big Bang Theory (which I’ve never seen), Kelsey Grammer, Franz Kafka and Coca Cola Zero, which brings me to 1255, so I head out for a walk. During this walk, I listen to the album Elastica by Elastica in its entirety whilst pacing up and down the Strand and eventually go back.

In the office again, and while I’m actually busying myself with some work-related tasks, I receive the following internal group email from Luan, extravagant South-East Asian and self-appointed social secretary. Luan tells us:

‘Hi Guys,

due to popular demand I’ve provisionally booked the Charlito restaurant on Friday 17th September at 7-9pm. If you haven’t been before it’s basically a mix of Mexican, South American and Spanish food in a fairly lively atmosphere. Can you let me know if you’re keen so I know how many people to confirm?’

This email, which has gone out to all 45 people making up my department, is obviously hilarious and needs to be analysed in depth, so I look over to Danny’s desk and – disappointed that he’s not there – start to email Harper instead, who’s sitting at the other end of this open plan office.

I write:

‘“...fairly lively atmosphere”, I hear’

Harper replies:

‘Exactly. I’m definitely out. That’s like saying someone is fairly sexy, it just doesn’t work, does it? Other examples: “He is fairly suicidal”

“She is fairly pregnant”’

Then I write:

‘“He is fairly paralysed from the waist down”

“She is fairly a bitch”

“He is fairly shocked to his core”’

Then Harper writes:

‘“I’m fairly having a mental breakdown”

“Their marriage is fairly on the brink of collapse”

“He is fairly willing to die for the love of his life”’

Then I write:

‘“He is fairly in love and regretting the rest of his life so far and all the choices he made”

“They are fairly married”

“She is fairly lobotomised”

“She is fairly dying to see her boyfriend”’

Then I get bored of this game, plus I think we’ve killed it a bit, so I write:

‘Hi Harper,

I wanted to ask you:

What were you doing on this date, at this time last year?

What were you doing on this date, at this time two years ago?

What were you doing on this date, at this time three years ago?

Oh, you were sat at the same desk doing the same thing, you say.

I just wanted to check.’

Harper lives in Whitstable, a small seaside town in Kent, which makes her total commute per day approximately two hours each way. She has worked here two or three years longer than me, but she recently got married and rumour has it that she’s about to hand in her notice to stay at her lovely seafront home and prepare to start a family. This is the lamest excuse for quitting your job that I’ve ever heard, not that I blame her one bit.

Buy the book:

Amazon US
Kindle US

Amazon UK
Kindle UK

Thursday 03/11/11

2011-11-03T11:32:00.003Z

Hello. This would be an Exit Through The Wound competition. And by competition, I mean I was clearing some shelves and found this thing that someone might want to have if they've read the book and liked it, etc.

It's a printout of the final proof of the ETTW cover art.

It's basically a - relatively thick - piece of paper, it measures 30 x 42 centimetres and it looks like this when a person is holding it standing next to a cricket bat:

I'll date and sign it, stick it in an envelope and post it to you and from then on the choice is yours. You can tear it up and throw it in the bin, you can frame it, you can burn it and inhale the ashes, do you what you like.

So if you fancy it, send an email to london.preppy @ gmail dot com with your name before the 20th November. THAT'S A SUNDAY.

I don't really expect more than 0.8 - 1.3 people to be interested in this, but just in case and so that we have a way to distinguish between any 'entrants', please include the reason why you want this in your email. That's all.

I'll get back to the 'winner' (term used very loosely) on the 21st to ask for your address and post it.

All right then.

Monday 24/10/11

2011-10-24T16:24:00.003+01:00

Thanks very much to Australian blogger / writer Sam Downing for this review of Exit Through The Wound:

LINK

I particularly like (and appreciate) these quotes:

"It’s a blackly, laugh-out-loud funny book, one of my favourites of the year, I think, but parts of it made me want to stand on the edge of a building and go completely limp in the hope that I’d fall to my death without having to go to the actual effort of jumping off. (This is a very appropriate suicidal urge in response to this book.)"

"The novel unfolds in 40 short chapters – almost like a string of short stories, really, in which Maine blankly endures his existence. Being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or dumped by the love or your life is equally important, or minor, as having a stranger yell at you on the tube. Like Seinfeld, Maine is obsessed by apparent trivialities, “apparent” because these unimportant moment fill the bulk of our lives, and his observations of society’s absurd characters – office gossips, creepy gym-goers, vapid acquantainces – are sharp and hilarious."

So yes, thank you.

Sunday 23/10/11

2011-10-23T12:14:00.002+01:00

These are my favourite songs from the last couple of months aka Songs of 2k11 Part 5 (Sep-Oct). Links to listen, where available.

Songs from previous months here:

Part 1 (Jan-Feb)
Part 2 (Mar-Apr)
Part 3 (May-Jun)
Part 4 (Jul-Aug)

And so, this time:

1. Mutual core - Bjork

Well done, Bjork

2. Blue jeans - Lana Del Rey

I can see this going very wrong very quickly and I expect that I'll pretend I don't know / like this person within a matter of days [via Robyn] but for now, these couple of songs are good; almost as good as the lips

3. Humdrum - Pallers

This is a great album, say, if you liked Gus Gus this year too

4. Video games - Lana Del Rey

See point 2 above

5. Sacrifice - Bjork

<3 Bjorky

6. Helix - Justice

Kinda crappy album with way too strong soft-rock / 70s influence for my liking, but at least we got Helix out of it

7. Wicked - Pallers

I like this bit of the Pitchfork review of this album: "Not only is Pallers' music exquisitely beholden to the 1980s, the duo's songs are also lyrically obsessed with gazing backwards. In their melancholic Scandinavian way, Pallers find a way to ache about every kind of reminiscence. They can conjure up an old mistake or missed opportunity and wallow in regret, yet just as easily fixate on a moment of bliss from the past and then mourn the fact that it's gone."

8. Hanging on (white sea remix) - Active Child

This is a remix of the best Active Child song that appears as a bonus track on the album and it makes the song more 'dramatic', if you're into that sort of thing

9. Ace of Hz - Ladytron

This came out ages ago, but I heard it as part of the album now and just decided that I like it

10. Steve McQueen - M83

I can't pretend I've listened to the M83 album in full, because it's too long and I've got many other things to do (twitter won't refresh itself obsessively) but I have heard this track and it is quite good, so there we go

11. Virus - Bjork [can't find link]

Be patient. You'll like it in the end

12. Shake - The Whip

I like this, but I also don't quite see how it contributes anything to the year 2k11

13. Audio, video, disco (para one remix) - Justice

I guess this remix is a bit more shebangsthedrums than the original, which is an improvement

14. Mirage- Ladytron

I like some of the new Ladytron album, but overall it suffers from the usual dreamy / up-in-the-clouds production that Ladytron albums have suffered from since 2005 :-(

15. Cruel - St. Vincent

I'm told that this has a good video too, but I suspect there's violence in it and I just don't want to watch it

16. Everything to me (christian strobe remix) - Lips

I don't know where this came from, some blog somewhere, and I guess it's good enough to occupy position 16 in part 5 of the best songs of 2k11 [via scraping the bottom of the barrel]

17. How deep is your love (A Trak remix) - The Rapture

I love this song too much and most likely all the remixes that will happen of it

18. So close to paradise - Elite Gymnastics

Riding chill waves [via added breakbeat]

And I'm so, so sorry that I have to add the following three songs, but I just can't help it. You can listen to all the Biophilia album tracks and M83 remixes you can handle, but sometimes only a cheap pop song with dated beats can make you happy :-(

Unranked:

All fired up - The Saturdays

The Saturdays have probably been going for five years or something, but this is the first song / video of theirs of hears / seen, and I'm happy to leave it that way tbh

Play with me - Eleni Foureira

You must watch the 'performance' while listening to this, otherwise there is no point. This woman is a completely slutty predator type, who will strut up to you wearing a leotard and high heels, fuck you, rip your head off and walk away. I don't know why this makes me so attracted to her. It's probably a good thing I'm not into women, because I if I were I would only going after women like this, which would result in eternal unhappiness.

Break me - Nicko

Greek Justin TimberLOLake with subpar Black Eyed Peas beats from three years ago. Which part of this description doesn't make you want to listen to it?

Bye now

Wednesday 19/10/11

2011-10-19T19:59:00.003+01:00

All I'm saying is that there's a review for Exit Through The Wound in this week's QX magazine, written by David McGillivray, and this review ends with the following:

"Morgan captures with sharp accuracy and acid humour the cadences of email and text messaging and the instability of the iPhone generation that communicates without communicating. But maybe he's achieved even more. Is Maine Hudson the new Holden Caulfield? Is Exit Through the Wound a 21st century Catch in the Rye? Time will tell."

I don't care how overblown this is, I don't care if the one and a half people who have been reading this blog for the last five years just to leave mean comments message me to ask whether I wrote the review myself or if I gave David a hand-job (answers: I didn't and I didn't; I don't even know who David is)...things like this make me happy. Be happy for other people's happiness. Sometimes.

Amazon US

Amazon UK

I'll be posting some songs for October / November by the end of the week. See you then.

Tuesday 18/10/11

2011-10-18T19:36:00.003+01:00

Well here's a Time Out interview from, um, this week's Time Out magazine.

Link's coming up, it's coming up, it's coming up...it's dare.

In this interview we discuss:

How the blog started
Ma book
Bret Easton ELOLis
'The Greeks'

Sunday 09/10/11

2011-10-09T11:20:00.005+01:00

And while it might be considered slightly uncouth to copy here 'gushing reviews' of Exit Through The Wound, we all have a book to sell and we've got to do what we've got to do.

So here are some Amazon reviews for Exit Through The Wound. And I didn't even write all of them myself. But how many did I write*?

*Jk. I didn't write any of them

"While I am not completely convinced that is 100% fiction, this is my favorite novel of the year. North Morgan's cast of twenty somethings and their combination of trust funds, tedious mid-level office positions and late nights in London has a way of making you feel somewhat terrible and somewhat positive about your own life all at once. The latter of which I found quite refreshing.

The main character, Maine (not intended to be purposely redundant), last name Hudson, is self-absorbed, self-critical, self-medicating and an expert at ruminating to the point of exhaustion. He is his own personal hard slap in the face. Despite this, or perhaps as a consequence, Maine is also an excellent observer of individuals and the resulting commentary is very funny. There are one hour love interests, exasperating colleagues, party people, tube riders, street walkers, creepy gym members, elevator companions, cloying family members and friends of convenience. There are also long term friends, colleagues who save him from himself from 9-5 and Sadie, his love interest / obsession (what kind of love isn't?).

Yet even amongst his closest companions there is profound loneliness throughout which appears to be as debilitating as it is sought after. This novel is clever, touching, gloomy, funny and very entertaining. I will definitely read it again."

"North Morgan's debut novel, Exit Through the Wound, is a definite recommend.

For me, he captures the spirit of a certain young, urban generation; we're materially wealthy but spiritually bankrupt. We have fun when the music is on and the drugs are working - but there's a nagging voice that tells us that there must be something more to life. We're aware that we're far luckier than we deserve to be but we're pissing it all away anyway.

It's also extremely funny. Morgan is a skilled observer of behaviour - the incidental characters in the book are instantly recognisable, without being clichéd. I cracked up at passage describing the overly talkative female work colleague and I loved the email and text exchanges.

I can tell if I've liked a book if the characters are still present for me once I've finished it. I still think about Maine. I wonder what he's up to and I hope he's taking care of himself."

"If Billy Fisher had caught the train to London (and somehow ended up in 2011) the result might have been something like this hilarious novel. Much like Billy, Maine Hudson's self-awareness just about balances out his Heculean self-absorption and he's a hero that's every bit as addictive as the prescription drugs that fuel him. Maine's self-inflicted #mylondonhell excesses and #badlifechoices are brilliantly described and I swear that you can probably get high from reading this novel. It's also funny as hell and (particularly) if you're young and you live in London, this novel gets you. The style reminded me a bit of big beasts like BEE, Joseph Heller and Salinger, but these influences pretty quickly fall away. I read the book in one sitting and now I need to detox with something less rocket-fuelled like Murder At The Vicarage. Just Terrific."

"One of the best books I've read this year. You get inside the main character's head and you start living his life. Even though not everyone will identify with the circumstances described, it's impossible not to relate to Maine on a number of levels. There's a particular scene at a train station, which the novel seems to build up to emotionally that almost had me in tears. A complete page turner, I couldn't wait to see how it ended. I could easily see a movie adaptation of this. Moving, intelligent and witty, this is a great modern novel."

"A fantastically addictive read. North's endearing and comedic prose is truly entertaining and sucks you right into believing that you are in his head, waiting for the next thought to express itself as you turn the pages of his story. A great read and a purchase that you are very unlikely to regret. Already looking forward to reading it again and the next helping..."

"Impressive debut novel that has you drawn in from the off. Clever character interaction and astute description brings alive the on-the-surface mundane routines of young Londoners obsessed with finding a way out. It's an escape from the real world into a reality that while obsessive, shallow and habitual, will leave you identifying with the frustrations and emotions of those wanting to express themselves where the mainstream is looking to conform."

"I learned a lot from reading this novel. Mainly the names of a whole variety of uppers and downers I have never heard of. At times it was like reading a chemistry text book. Drugs are an integral part of the plot though as they shape the main character's life and mindset as he lives a bizarre form of London life unrecognisable to a native Londoner like me. The book describes a hedonistic world where money is no object, set in a city where money is all most people think about, (for better or worse). There's something reminiscent of American Psycho or Black Swan about this novel - you end up living in someone's head for a few hours and inhabiting a strange world where morals and rules have no meaning. I think I may have finished the book slightly high myself. You're unlikely to feel sympathy towards the deliciously spoilt main character with his privileged lifestyle - the subject matter certainly won't appeal to everyone's tastes - but the author's candid and unique writing style will have you grinning and raising eyebrows in equal measure. The work email exchanges actually made me laugh out loud. All in all a thought provoking, addictive, unusual, and intensely written first work. Well worth a read. Preferably while sober."

"I thought I'd read a few pages and then go out... and ended up reading the whole book in 3 hours! I could not put it down. Feels like you are being let in on a secret world. Awe, jealousy, disgust, neediness, joy, sadness, buzz... every page gives you a new mood, a new feeling. If you really wanna know what life feels for a normal Londoner... this is not it. This is special. Find out for yourself..."

"I hate North Morgan. London Preppy. Whoever the hell he is. He crafted a wonderful piece of prose that embodies all aspects of the disembodied drones that go to work, come home, rinse, lather and repeat day after day. It's a work trying to break away from the confines of disillusionment, cynicism, resignation and monotony while being absolutely hilarious.

What's fascinating was how seamlessly the blog fit into a narrative form. Gone were the daily tracking of what outfits were worn. Gone were the text message dispatches from a night of clubbing. Some characters were moved around notably All American Girl who is now Sadie. But reading the string of words page after page, what made the blog an enjoyable read was still there."

So, say, if you wanted to buy this thing, you have the following options

1) If you're in the UK, you could walk into a book shop and ask for it. Foyles on Charing Cross Road is a highly recommended option, but you'll have to look around for it a bit first because I go in every day and move the copies they have in the alphabetised Fiction section to the Highlights right at the front, the Staff Recommendations, the upper reaches of the Fiction Chart...whatever I feel like each time.

2) Paperback from Amazon UK here: Amazon UK link

3) eBook from Amazon UK here: Amazon UK Kindle

4) eBook from iTunes UK (eBook from iTunes US out later in October)

5) Paperback from Amazon US here: Amazon US link

6) eBook from Amazon US here: Amazon US Kindle

7) You can get a signed / dedicated copy if you order directly from the publisher here:

Delivery in the UK

Delivery in Europe

Delivery in the rest of the world

Ugh. That's EVERYTHING.

Sunday 02/10/11

2011-10-02T19:30:00.003+01:00

The main problem with having built a personal brand as an enfant terrible is that when the youth is gone, all that's left is a terrible old man [via twitter]

15/07/07

01/10/11

Thursday 22/09/11

2011-09-22T21:53:00.003+01:00

Regardless of how things go with Exit Through The Wound (which is out now and you should go buy it, obviously) I think I will start working on a second novel in January next year. I have an idea in my head, which I'm obviously not going to get into, but I also have a title. I'm going to post the title here now, so that it's mine and mine only. Forever.

My second book will be called:

I'll Always Love You Less

Thursday 15/09/11

2011-09-15T10:31:00.006+01:00

On Tuesday at 1637 I send an email to Sadie and this email says:

“Hello. HOW’S EVERYTHING?”

At 1652 Sadie replies:

“Everyhung (I'm not exactly sure how to interpret this misspelling but I'll keep it and think about it) is as it should be I guess.

It's still grey here. Out of all of the places to live in the US I have managed to source out one of the most grey and most foggy. Commenting on when the fog will roll in / recede is part of the general everyday conversation around here, which in my case means to myself.

Have I mentioned that about 85% of my monthly workload at my current job involves projects where I read through, analyse and report on thousands of verbatim comments made up of 100% complaints? All complaints, bitching, moaning, whining, threatening, swearing. 'This has been the worst experience of my life' / 'you have ruined my life' type complaints. So I read through these and work with these one by one, day after day.

As you might guess I quite enjoy it.

Last week was my birthday. Funny thing about your novel; it mentions the birthday where I was texting you drunk in the pub. I was trying to remember which birthday that was, being alone drunk in the pub, but it was actually several so no way to pin that down I guess.

How are things with you then?”

At 1712 I reply:

“I’m very good, thanks for asking. I have never done so much statistical analysis in my life as I do now. I work out formulae repetitively, mindlessly, endlessly, and – you guessed it – I love it.

At least the good news is that I’ve just bought an ice cream maker. It’s sitting right next to me now in its box. What flavours would you recommend? And why do you think it is that the only flavour idea I’ve had (and have been obsessing about since) is ‘bread’?”

At 1720 Sadie replies:

“So you have become an expert at statistical analysis and I have become an expert at grouping complaints. I think we have done well for ourselves, finally.

Wow that's a big step, ice cream maker. There are so many things you could do with this. I have heard of chocolate bread pudding ice cream.

Meanwhile, were you aware that there is a used copy of your novel for sale on Amazon.com for $117?”

At 1727 I reply:

“I’ve been waiting a long time to meet my fate (being slowly killed by Excel formulae) but I feel I’ve finally arrived. Same goes to you.

Amazing idea. Perhaps my first one SHOULD be chocolate bread pudding ice cream. Chocolate bread and butter pudding does appear in Exit Through The Wound after all. It would be fitting.

Yes, the $117 copy is the one I jerked off on.”

At 1746 Sadie replies:

“I would definitely do chocolate bread pudding ice cream then. Let me know how that turns out. Photos please.

You could easily charge $193.”

Amazon UK

Amazon US

Wednesday 14/09/10 Part Two

2011-09-14T20:01:00.002+01:00

Launch party pictures; I guess

Wednesday 14/09/11

2011-09-14T09:46:00.002+01:00

Dear London Preppy reader, have you bought / read Exit Through The Wound? What did you think? london.preppy@gmail.com

Monday 05/09/11

2011-09-05T12:25:00.004+01:00

Launch party for Exit Through The Wound

This Thursday (8th September) in the upstairs room at Charterhouse bar in Farringdon, central London from 6.30pm.

I'll be signing copies, we'll be playing music in the spirit of the book and if I get sufficiently bullied by my publisher, I might even go on the stage for twelve seconds and mumble some words whilst looking on the floor.

Feel free to come. Thank you

The book is officially released on the same day.

Sunday 04/09/11

2011-09-04T14:24:00.004+01:00

These are my favourite songs from the last two months. This endeavour is also known as Best of 2k11 - Part 4 (July/August). There might be some leftover songs from previous months that have grown on me. SORRY

I have posted clickable links for all the songs on YouTube.

1. Crystalline (Omar Souleyman version) - Björk

"Björk with a taste of Asia Minor? What could be better for someone like you?" said my Lamestreamr Boyfriend. And he was right (for once)

2. Unsung - Brett Anderson

This is the first track on Brett's fourth solo album and most probably the first good song he's released as a solo artist

3. How deep is your love - The Rapture

I don't trust people who don't like this song

4. Crystalline - Björk

Yes, the original Crystalline is also great. Which is more than can be said about the other Biophilia songs I've heard so far :-(

5. Jealousy - Tepr [Sorry, I can't find this on YouTube. I don't think enough people care]

Best Tepr song EVAH

6. Over - GusGus

This is a great album and I only discovered it, like, three weeks ago even though it probably leaked back in March. I'm so embarrassed

7. Come back to me - The Rapture

I don't know what the deal is halfway through the song when you think it's finished and then comes back worse, but anyway the first part is good enough to place the song here

8. Brittle heart - Brett Anderson

Well this is quite good, I guess

9. Hanging on (White Sea remix) - Active Child

I should probably give the Active Child album more of a chance because it sounded quite good when I sped-listened to it, but I haven't had time this weekend as I went to my (straight) best friend's wedding and spent time getting completely drunk and re-enacting the rolling-on-the-floor-in-wedding-dress choreography Madonna did at the 1984 VMAs in front of lots of speechless relatives when the 'wedding DJ' played Like A Virgin

10. To the alps (cinema remix) - Princeton [I couldn't find this remix on YouTube so the link is to the original]

I don't know where I found this entry-level minimum impact blog mp3, but I like it

11. Deep inside - GusGus

More from the GusGus album that I wasn't cool enough to appreciate upon online circulation

12. Midnight city - M83

This is good for now, but perhaps that weird sample/instrument that's repeated throughout will get a bit tedious after a while

13. Within you - GusGus

GusGuszzzzzzzzzzzzzz

14. Under your spell - Desire

This sounds completely DIY. But in a good way

15. Far nearer - Jamie xx

I kinda hated this when it first came out two months ago [via loose structure and overuse of steel drums] but it's grown on me. Maybe I've got soft as I've grown older. Maybe I had dreams that got shattered and I gave up a little. Maybe I'm compromising, giving up on every standard I had previously set for myself. But you can't sit there and say you haven't done the same

16. Animalia (Lifelike remix) - Voltaire Twins

A Lifelike remix is a Lifelike remix

17. Sail away - The Rapture

The third best track on The Rapture album

18. Crash about to happen - Brett Anderson

The third best track on the Brett Anderson album

19. Echoes - Washed Out

The whole Washed Out album is very good. I guess I can't tell the songs apart though, so here's one chosen at random

Bye now

Saturday 27/08/11

2011-08-27T22:46:00.001+01:00

Thursday 25/08/11

2011-08-25T17:16:00.006+01:00

Ad for Exit Through The Wound. It's out in two weeks from today (Thursday 8th September). Sorry if it seems like I've been going on about for the best part of the last decade.

Friday 22/07/11

2011-07-22T19:11:00.000+01:00

This is Glasshouse Books' newsletter for August.

Exit Through The Wound by North Morgan

Dear Reader,

I first met North at the Polari launch party for Boys & Girls, in July 2010. I think it would be fair to describe him as a shy man, he was so petrified by the prospect of reading from his short story 'Exit Through The Wound' that a friend stood in for him. It was on that night, however, that I told North that if I was only ever going to publish one novel, it would have to be by him. And now those words are almost a reality, as North and I are just waiting on final corrections from the proofreader on his debut novel, Exit Through The Wound.

A few people have asked me why and how I only commission. There are a range of answers, some of them prosaic and business-like (I am indeed trying to make Glasshouse a profitable business aka not go bust) but the main instinct is pure instinct. With North, I could see huge potential in his short story, which in some ways is a very early sketch of what Exit Through The Wound is, but more than that I could see what an affable and personable person he is, one with a sharp sense of humour. A few people have also told me that he is very good looking. I believe in empiricism and am awaiting proof on this.

But seriously, my belief in North was validated a few months ago, when I started reading the first draft of the novel. This is no hyperbole: it is one of the funniest and unflinching novels I have ever read. You instantly bond to the narrator, Maine, and drift along with him from nightclub to work to commute to the arms of the woman he loves. For me, there are hints of Vonnegut in the bleak humour of it all, plus a touch of Bukowski in the brevity. It is a novel with its heart in America, hence the cover, but its soul is truly European, couched in a sense of self that is philosophical without ever being pretentious or manufactured. It just is.

I expect that North will spend many an hour explaining to people what the title, Exit Through The Wound, actually means. Here I am going to proffer my explanation. And North, you must forgive me on this, as I am about to refer to Greek myth. For me, the title and the novel captures the broken heart of my thirty something generation, where we are each in our own ways Prometheus bound upon a rock, an eagle gnawing on our liver, only for it to grow back and start again the next day. An economic, ethical and creative crisis have held us back. But all we can do is laugh about it and carry on.

I hope you will buy Exit Through The Wound so you can share in what is an amazing debut from an author with a bright future ahead of him.

Kind regards,

Bobby

Saturday 16/07/11

2011-07-16T14:00:00.006+01:00

Today, we have three things to get out of the way.

First thing:

Here's the second extract from Exit Through The Wound. I'm posting a video of me reading the first few paragraphs of chapter 17 and also copying the actual piece below, because you will probably not understand my accent. I sure don't.

On Tuesday I decide to go to work (trying out something new I guess), so I find myself on the tube listening to my iPod, and when ‘That’s When I Reach For My Revolver’ by Mission Of Burma turns into ‘Suicide Is Painless’ by the Manic Street Preachers on shuffle, I pretend this did not just happen, this is not just another sign telling me to fling myself under the eastbound Central Line train and, undeterred, I continue my journey into the office.

After a week away my inbox is full of client emails asking me to panic about inconsequential things so I duly ignore them and read the most recent message from Danny instead, which arrived only a few minutes ago: ‘Oh I see you made it in. You’ve been away for so long that I thought I’d never see you again. I won’t lie to you, I was starting to panic, especially as this is also Harper’s last week. In fact, I was so convinced I’d be left alone in this office that I spent most of yesterday writing obituaries for the two of you. Would you like to see yours?’

‘No.’

‘Maine Giannopoulos was born to a man and a woman on the 8th December 1985. He never knew his parents as they lived in a different wing of his house. His best friends growing up were Mehmet, a Turkish servant- boy, and Angelos, a friend visible to Maine and Maine only. Mehmet and Angelos took turns humouring Maine and his already nonsensical whims. Maine spent the early part of his adolescence performing stereotypical Greek activities such as growing facial hair by age 10, buggery and being the mooching scumbuckets of Europe. Maine’s life was transformed in his mid-teens with the discovery of ‘Britpop’, which turned a previously happy-go-lucky individual into a sullen manic-depressive. It was here that his Anglophilia began. On his 17th birthday, Maine met his parents for the first time and informed them of his plans to move to England. There, he transformed from a socially awkward, skinny sour-faced, asexual brat into a socially awkward, well-built, sour-faced drug addict. Other changes included metamorphosis of his name. On the day of his death (caused by a misunderstanding between him and squeeze ‘Sadie’ over the correct safe word, resulting in Maine’s suffocation inside a gimp mask), Alexandros Maine Giannopoulos (as his Greek family knew him) was officially known as Alexandros Maine Blake Hudson. Maine was never professionally fulfilled: he pursued a fruitless career in business consultancy when his real life aim was to work on a street corner in Lower Manhattan dealing hallucinogenics.’

‘That was hilarious, congratulations. You’re wasted here, although I suppose it’s not bad going getting paid – even the miniscule amount that you do – to sit at your desk and type gratuitous fantasy. Now tell me, what else did I miss?’

Second thing:

Here come the pre-order links. I’m signing all copies pre-ordered from the links below. (If you want. If you don’t…go crazy, I’ll leave yours unsigned).

Pre-order for the UK (£6 + &2.50 for p&p):

Pre-order for Europe (£6 + £3.50 for p&p):

Pre-order for rest of the world (£6 + £4.50 for p&p):

Third thing:

We’re having a launch party for the book on Thursday the 8^th September in London. You know what? You can come if you like. It’s at Charterhouse Bar (38 Charterhouse Street, Farringdon, London) at 1830.

Bye now

Wednesday 13/07/11

2011-07-13T19:48:00.002+01:00

The dedication and acknowledgements for Exit Through The Wound are as follows:

Dedication

To Llwyd and Carrie

Acknowledgements

Danny for having no social life while I was writing and for inspiration. Mum and Dad for letting me do what I want, most of the time. Elina for unbounded sibling support. Neil for writing a blurb that summed up the novel much better than my failed attempts. Richard for proof-reading my manuscript before anyone else had seen it. Dean for being second. Will for being a sounding board for my half-formed ideas and variably successful jokes. Paul for discovering me and turning me from a blogger to a published author. Bobby for facilitating this and believing in me. Andy for all the help and communication. The five people I consider to be my best friends. Most of all, London Preppy readers for creating the momentum that helped this book become a reality.

Wednesday 29/06/11

2011-06-29T22:23:00.002+01:00

Tuesday 28/06/11

2011-06-29T22:22:00.000+01:00

I've never been associated with an artist more in my life than I have with Bjork. Debut came out when I was 13 and I don't remember how or why I came across it, but I know for sure that I spent my remaining teenage years utterly sucked in. I know that most people who have visited this blog associate London Preppy with Ellis, but let me tell you, in pre-internet life back in the 90s I sure fucked off enough people with a different obsession.

My first concert ever was Bjork in 1995, a fact that I'm still immensely proud off, enough to start 'oh, so what was the first gig you ever went to' conversations with anyone I want to victimise. Because they sure ain't gonna top that.

My favourite Bjork moment remains her walk up to the stage after winning Best Female at the '95 European MTV Awards. Look how she stumbles out of her seat when her name (or something close to her name anyway) is read out. Look how she pauses and blocks her ears, partly trying to take the moment in, party trying to tune everything out - most likely the voices in her head, which I'm sure are always there.

There's less scope for pop obsession in one's 20s and 30s, but even a couple of years ago when I decided to get some lyrics tattooed on my body I went back and drew from Bjork, leaving me with the hilariously apt etching of ARMY OF ME on, erm, my right arm.

I think the most telling moment of how much I loved her and her music as I was growing up came two years ago when I was setting up a new surround sound speaker system in my living room with my Dad. Once connected we both stood in the middle of the room and I started playing Pagan Poetry very loudly. A few second into the song (and try to think of a better song to test clarity of sound if you can) my Dad said 'is this Bjork?' And for a 60-something year old from Greece who's never really had an interest in music, never owned a record, to recognise a voice in a song that came out half a decade after I moved out of home...well, both I in my teenage years and Bjork must have been doing something right.

The new song, Crystaline, makes me so happy to have this story to share. No one like her ever again.

Tuesday 21/06/11

2011-06-21T20:09:00.004+01:00

Well, here's the proposed back cover blurb for 'Exit Through The Wound':

‘Where are you even getting morphine from?’

‘It just seems to gravitate towards me whenever I pass a hospital. I think it can smell pain.’

Maine Hudson has a high tolerance for pharmaceuticals and a low tolerance for everything and everyone else.

This includes his Greek parents, who require Maine's frequent appearances in Athens as the price of bankrolling his glorious isolation in London.

This includes his career as a consultant, his clients, his boss, the majority of his colleagues and people he sees on the way into work.

This includes the dumb model boyfriend of the American girl that he has decided to fall in love with.

This includes her also.

When Maine fails to obliterate himself through drug-overdoses, the obsessive changing of his legal name and half-hearted thoughts of suicide, it falls to his central nervous system to pick up the challenge of trying to kill him off.

Can Maine survive with his lack of values intact?

(Full credit to NJ for this)

Sunday 19/06/11

2011-06-19T02:39:00.001+01:00

Well this is a nice picture.

Thursday 16/06/11

2011-06-16T19:31:00.015+01:00

These are my favourite songs from the last two months. This endeavour is also known as Best of 2k11 - Part 3 (May/June). I might even write a little comment for each one.

(I have posted clickable links for the songs that I could find on YouTube)

1. Redemption - Frank Turner > Well this is amazing, plus it namechecks Bruce Springsteen in the first verse, so I don't know how you can ask for more than that to be honest. It seems to me that you're just being deliberately difficult. In other news, Frank Turner has the skinniest arms on the planet. It's quite scary actually

2. All for you (ft Didi Bruckmayr) - Wolfram > This is a Japan-only bonus track on the Wolfram album. It appears to be impossible to find on the internet, even just to listen. Go and make some Japanese friends. It's worth it. Also, this person is Austrian. AUSTRIAN

3. With you (ft Alexis Taylor) - Carte Blanche > Thank you, Ed Banger

4. Beth/Rest - Bon Iver > This is the most un-Bon Iver song in his catalogue and I'm sure most Bon Iver fans hate it, but they are probably stupid and too young and they weren't around in the 80s

5. Dial my number - Sophie Ellis-Bextor > I have a Sophie Ellis-Bextor fetish, I'm really sorry

6. Calgary - Bon Iver > This Bon Iver single has the worst video of the year so far and I'm currently awaiting an apology from Bon Iver himself [via twitter]. It appears to have been inspired by Gap commercials from the beginning of the last decade and Twilight. An embarrassment for everyone involved. Nice song though

7. Abducted - Cults > I wish that somebody would break my heart so I could listen to this in a more meaningful way. Unfortunately, when you're permanently alone such opportunities are limited

8. Bronx Brooklyn Queens - Carte Blanche > I would play this song if I were a DJ, but only near the end of the night when everyone's passing out on ketamine

9. Battle axe - Tepr > I <3 Tepr

10. Arabest - SebastiAn > I don't know how these French ppl keep coming up with the best music

11. Taken by a stranger - Lena > Yes, this is the German Eurovision entry. I've always liked this girl, but I was watching some pre-Eurovision show (because I'm obsessed) and someone was interviewing her and she said that fans can go up to her and talk to her if they want, but they are not allowed to touch her. And I fell in love. Thankfully, Lena raped me with her eyes when she was on stage performing the song in the final and I didn't have to deal with another case of unrequited passion

12. One foot before the other - Frank Turner > Best lyrics of the year so far and the third song on the list to mention 'blood'

13. Another day - Chris Malinchak > Some ramdom blog mp3 that no one's heard about but it's really good

14. Love in motion (ft Mayer Hawthorne) - SebastiAn > I have a friend who thinks the vocals in this song are 'very sexie', and perhaps he'd be most sexually content in a sanatorium in Switzerland in 1923 taking care of tuberculosis patients

15. Never saw the point - Cults > This is quite summery, I guess, if you live in a country that has seasons and stuff. I don't :-(

16. You are a tourist - Death Cab For Cutie > This is quite good in an 'indie dad' kind of way

17. Blue cassette - Friendly Fires > Again, summery

18. 2 hearts - Digitalism > Huh. More German ppl. Isn't Europe fucking great for music? Yes, it is

19. Dead or alive - Yuksek > Oh look, more French ppl

20. What about my dreams? - Kati Wolf > This is the Hungarian Eurovision entry and I better move along quickly before I realise that I've included it here

21. Pumped up kicks - Foster The People > 'My jam of the summer, y'all' -A lamestreamer

And finally, since we're halfway through the year and all, here are my Top 10 albums of 2k11 so far:

1. Safari Disco Club - Yelle

2. Wolfram - Wolfram

3. Bon Iver - Bon Iver

4. England Keep My Bones - Frank Turner

5. Zonoscope - Cut Copy

6. Total - SebastiAn

7. Cults - Cults

8. Pala - Friendly Fires

9. House Of Balloons - The Weeknd

10. Holy Ghost! - Holy Ghost!

Wednesday 01/06/11

2011-06-01T22:53:00.003+01:00

So this is the awkward stage in my life, these few months before my book comes out, where I’m kinda thinking that maybe something will happen when it does, something will change and I won’t have to work anymore, or in any case I won’t have to work in the same sense that I’ve known all these years since I left University, i.e. going into an office from Monday to Friday and working for a big corporation and waiting for the weekend and then repeating the following week and doing this until I’m 65. Is it 67 now? When have they set ‘retirement age’ for? 68? It feels like someone just pulls these numbers randomly out of the air, completely arbitrarily. As if I’m going to live that long, as if any of us will. And until September when the book comes out, I’ve kinda already given up on all this full-time employment business, and I’m blindly hoping that I’ll ‘break out’ or become a ‘literary sensation’ (because it’s 1922 in my head) or ‘find fame and fortune’ and I’ll be able to spend the rest of my life (or whatever’s left of it anyway), casually working on subsequent novels, living off huge advances, but really just traveling up and down the west coast of the United States, flying to properties that I own or rent in desired holiday destinations as perceived by the residents of metropolitan cities in the western hemisphere (Cabo is an actual place, right?) and taking unplanned trips to southern European capital cities – even Athens – where I’ll be getting drunk outdoors on warm Wednesday nights with mixed groups of ‘cool’ locals and other careless travelers who don’t have to get up in the morning to go to work. And I’m counting on one novel to accommodate this for me, one measly novel that would probably need to sell more than fifteen million copies for the plans that I have in mind to actually materialise. And I don’t think it will, though I do like it a lot and I stand by it like no one’s fucking business. So 2011 is my so-called ‘wasted year’, the year that I’ll look back on when I’m 45 and think, God, was I young and dumb or what? Because nothing’s gonna happen, none of this anyway; instead I’ll bum around for a few months, the book will come out and sell a few hundred copies, I’ll do a few readings here and there with progressively sparser attendance before it finally clicks that this is not how things were meant to work out for me and I’ll go back with my tail between my legs and ask if my desk is still there, same person as before, only minus the false impressions and a little more broken. Well, a lot more broken actually. So yeah, I guess this is a one-off stretch in my life right now, where I have a few months of ‘hope’ (read: ‘delusion’) ahead of me before it all crashes down, and it’s an interesting and precarious stretch where I can sell myself as someone who’s about to do something…before my remaining years arrive, which I’ll have to spend as someone who almost did.

Exit Through The Wound is out in 99 days.

Friday 13/05/11

2011-05-13T19:44:00.004+01:00

So this kid, right? He drew some portraits of me from the YouTube video below. And I thought I'd post them here. I've kinda ruined them a bit with the red block that's compulsory on this page, but you can check the originals out on his tumblr, not to mention his other work. He's good, no?

Wednesday 11/05/11

2011-05-11T21:35:00.000+01:00

And on Tuesday afternoon I have an email conversation with A Girl and this email conversation goes a little something like this.

A Girl (from an undisclosed location in California): 'When do I get an advance copy of your novel? I think you could do a west coast book tour at some point. I can attempt any pre-PR work as needed.'

Me: 'The earliest I'll have a copy of the book in my hands will be mid July. I'll make sure to post one first thing. Oh my God, I would love a book tour on the west coast. It's not happening, obviously, but my publisher tells me that approximately 50% of my pre-orders come from California. But what's 50% of 3, really? Please intensify your PR efforts.'

A Girl: '50% from California, how interesting. Perhaps I randomly leave a copy or two in areas which I consider high traffic interest for your novel. Of course I would make it look like it was seriously missed and read-through, carried everywhere (literally could not put it down), dog-ear the pages, perhaps leave a bookmark close to the end and a personal note on the inside cover that reads something like "Happy 29th Birthday Stephen - You must read this book, can't put it into words. xx- Yours, J"'

(A Girl was the real star of this blog, no?)

Tuesday 03/05/11

2011-05-03T15:35:00.003+01:00

This is a video where I'm saying some things. In summary, the things that I'm saying are:

1) We'll be uploading a video in June where I'll be reading the first chapter of Exit Through The Wound

2) As I think it's highly unlikely that I'll be doing readings overseas when the book comes out in September, my publisher will organise Skype conference calls where I can do readings 'via the interwebs' for an audience that will call in. The first of these will probably be at a convenient time for North America (based on book interest so far)

I had to write down my points as well, because I'm freaking out in the video so much that I don't think I'm making any sense. And I'm certainly not going back to film it again.

Monday 02/05/11

2011-05-02T10:51:00.004+01:00

Twelve songs from March/April 2011 (ish).

There's a bit of a ridiculous change of pace between songs (especially 1 and 2), but it's not like anyone is going to sit there and listen to them anyway, so.

1. Interlude (solo version) - Morrissey

2. Everyday (Original Sin remix) - Rusko

3. Banana ripple - Junior Boys

4. Civilization - Justice

5. Jericho (Tepr remix) - Jamaica

6. The bay (Erol Alkan's extended rework) - Metronomy

7. Panutup - Diskjokke

8. The morning - The Weeknd

9. Drive (Akira Kiteshi remix) - Alpines

10. Make a scene - Sophie Ellis-Bextor

11. My terrible friend - The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart

12. Fantasy - Breakbot (ft Ruckazoid)

Also, yeah there's a poll on the right here - very top of the grey panel ----->

Thanks

Sunday 01/05/11

2011-05-01T11:45:00.008+01:00

The ludicrous polar bear tattoo:

Thursday 28/04/11

2011-04-28T17:40:00.004+01:00

For no apparent reason, I thought I’d write a post about all the tattoos I have. Clearly tattoos are a stupid idea and you’re better off ‘building your personal brand’ or whatever it is that you want to do by not having any, but some of us are stupider and more impulsive than others and we can’t help ourselves. Also, it’s a complete lie to claim that the stigma of having a tattoo is going away, that people from all classes are getting them now and that they’re a more sophisticated choice than they were, say, twenty years ago. No they’re not. They’re still hella tacky and only people on benefits and dirty gays get them. So here are descriptions of all the ones I have, plus a percentage of regret for each one.

1) ‘BRET EASTON ELLIS’ on my left bicep. Regret: 87%

I never wanted to get a tattoo before I thought of this one. Then of course I realised that I couldn’t find inner peace ever again, not until I got it. It’s been a great meme, I won’t lie, and it’s generated mad internet hits, but seriously though, couldn’t I have found a better author to pay tribute to? I still cling on to the idea that I will always like his first five books, but I’m kinda planning not to read anything new that comes out just to avoid raping the good memories even further. I’m also starting to realise why people only tattoo dead writers’ names on themselves, because at least you won’t get F Scott Fitzgerald tweeting boastfully about having sexual relations with individuals who are twenty-five years younger than him like it’s some sort of achievement. Mind you, this problem is easily resolved by unfollowing somebody on twitter, so. If I could go back and redo this tattoo, I’d probably have ‘F Scott Fitzgerald’ or ‘Albert Camus’ or ‘Sylvia Plath’ instead. I’m actually this close to covering it with a big black block and starting over on the other arm.

2) My full name around my leg just below the knee. Regret: 78%

This consists of my first name, two middle names and surname. All of those can be found on my passport and driving licence. Two of those (the ones I use in my everyday life) can be found on the cover of my book. I guess I had this done soon after I finalised what I wanted my full name to be, following a Deed Poll (or three). It was probably an over-enthusiastic, one-dimensional ‘identity statement’, but I don’t think you can blame me: you’d have done the same if you’d been born with a repulsive foreign name too and you’d finally managed to break free from it. The percentage of regret would be higher for this tattoo were it not for an incident that took place at #Coachelly a few days ago. I went to pick up an alcohol wristband (proving I’m over 21) and the guy who was giving them out looked at my driving licence, then looked at me and said ‘This doesn’t look like you’, before refusing to give me one. Thinking: a) you blind American fuck and b) it might not look exactly like me because the picture was taken when I was 17 and it’s now fourteen years later and I’m fucking 31, I said ‘Listen, take a look at the name on the ID’, then I lifted my leg up and showed him the tattoo. He gave me a wristband.

3) ‘and this is how I ended up here, a secondary character out of Less Than Zero’ down the left side of my back. Regret: 22%

I still like this one. Even though I don’t really, genuinely relate to that book anymore, I still think it’s valid as a reflection of how I felt at some point, you know? Plus the font is quite small and non-intrusive.

4) Coat of Arms on my upper back between my shoulders. Regret: 28%

This is all right, I suppose, although it’s the one tattoo I have that looks like I grew up in a council estate. I’m sure half the people who see it think it’s the coat of arms of some football club. It is, in fact, the coat of arms of my family. There’s a family history book somewhere that tracks my family history back to the 12^th century. This was assigned by Richard I of England (aka Richard the Lionheart) to a great-great-great-etc grandfather of mine for helping out with the Crusades. You probably don’t believe that. It’s what the book says and unless you, personally, can do extensive research and bring me factual documentation to disprove it, you can stick it. I would also like to point out that the coat of arms remains despite me having changed the surname I was born with. Family coats of arms do not belong to surnames. They are passed on by bloodline to male descendents. So if you’re called ‘Williams’ or something, you can’t just google ‘Williams family coat of arms’ and appropriate whatever you find. Similarly, I can change my surname sixty-five thousand times and still have my coat of arms. I’m getting very defensive about this, aren’t I? Wow. Disconcerting.

5) ‘YOU’LL MEET AN ARMY OF ME’ split between my two triceps. Regret: 65%

Clearly a Bjork lyric. My main problem with this one is that it’s the one that everyone can see all of the time. I can only hide it by wearing long sleeves and I don’t particularly like wearing long sleeves. I get too warm, you know? At least I never get to see it, because I don’t often face the back of my arms straight on. In fact I can’t see most of my tattoos and that’s a good thing, because they’re tacky and gross. I feel sorry for the people walking behind me when I’m wearing a pair of swimming shorts though. When lamestreamer people see this tattoo, they take it literally and think that I used to be in the army. Then the time comes for me to open a tin or tie a knot or something practical like that and they realise how wrong they were. A few alt people recognise where it’s from though and they shout ‘Bjork’ at me. Every time this happens I get caught off guard and spend a few seconds wondering why this mad person is shouting random pop star names at me and as I’m halfway through shouting ‘LAYYYDEEEEE GAAHHHGAAHHH’ or ‘SHAAAGGGYYYYYYYY’ back at them, I remember my tattoo. Then I smile and nod in a knowing manner and we all move along.

6) Polar bear outline on my left thigh. Regret: 77%

I have NO idea why I got this. Literally, not a single clue. Polar bears are ‘OK’ in the animal stakes, I suppose, but seriously there’s a limit. I DON’T EVEN LIKE ANIMALS. Oh my God, I forgot to mention. The polar bear is resting its front paw on a giant compass. Conceptually it’s like a bad, bad Lord of the Rings-style fantasy nightmare. This tattoo is so nonsensical that it’s a running joke amongst my friends and when we want to rate something in terms of absurdity we ask: ‘On a scale of 1 to Polar Bear, how ridiculous is it?’ Nothing has been rated ‘Polar Bear’ yet.

7) ‘A SENSE OF REGRET GETTING STRONGER’ around my left thigh just below the polar bear. Regret: 70%

This is a line from Exit Through The Wound. Despite the meme / self-promo opportunities that having a line from your own book tattooed on you presents, this was the tipping point where it became VERY apparent to me that my tattoos were getting more and more pointless and hideous and I had to stop.

My name is London Preppy and I haven’t used* for four months and six days. When I get to stage 9 of my 12-step programme, I’ll start going round and apologising to everyone that I’ve hurt with my hideous ‘body art’.

*tattoo needles

Saturday 22/04/11

2011-04-22T16:15:00.003+01:00

In other news, I'm signing all Exit Through The Wound pre-orders before we send them out

Exit Through The Wound first extract & Pre-order info

2011-03-27T14:40:00.006+01:00

Right, so Exit Through The Wound is out to buy in the shops / Amazon on the 8th September. Pre-ordering directly from the publisher, Glasshouse Books, below means you get it in advance (some time in August) and at a lower price. Why wouldn't you, hmm?

If you think I'm really bad at this 'selling' business, you should see me do a reading. I read to the floor. In fact, you should come and see me do a reading later in the year, and if I do look up and make eye contact with anyone at any point, they'll win a prize.

Anyway, yes, please buy the book. If you like me you have the added benefit of making me happy and if you don't like me, well, the quicker you buy the book the quicker I'll disappear and you'll never hear from me again. Win-win.

After the links, you can find the first extract from the novel.

For delivery in the UK (£6 + £2.50 p&p):

For delivery in Europe (£6 + £3.50 p&p):

For delivery outside Europe (£6 + £4.50 p&p):

Here's the beginning of the book. An earlier version of this piece appeared on the blog briefly. It was the first thing I wrote that made me think *oh*. Maybe I could write a longer story.

Here goes.

During that summer in California, I wore shorts and t-shirts a lot. I watched boys measure steroids in the next room at the place where I was staying. Buy and sell them and measure steroids. I played Blur, mainly ‘For Tomorrow’ – I must have heard this song at least a hundred times in those few weeks. During that summer I decided to stop shaving and to grow my hair. I took long walks on my own, well, what meant to be long walks but I always came back within half an hour. I kissed several girls; I’ve lost count exactly how many. One night that summer I went to the local shop wearing what I thought was a solemn face and a hooded top and shorts and old deck shoes, and I wanted the strangers that I came across to say that I’m down. I bought two cans of Coke but the guy at the till mustn’t have been paying attention and he didn’t notice the sadness in my style and instead he read ‘Ralph Lauren’ back at me from my hooded top and he smiled. During that summer I finished reading several books, none of which were new, all of which I had read before. I let a stranger jerk me off in a car park and I tried to learn the lyrics to a Hole album, though I forget most of them now. I went to parties about every weekend, some of which I was invited to. During that summer I spent most of the time worrying that I wasn’t 16 and I would never be again. I decided that I should never read books more than once, because I’m running out of time and there are too many books that I still want to get through. That summer my best friend told me over the phone that I would never find love, I would never be happy in a relationship. I snapped back – thoughtlessly – that I’ll find many relationships and he said: ‘exactly’. I hung out with many prostitutes, some of whom were open to me about it and some of whom weren’t, and for those ones that weren’t, I pretended that I didn’t know. Early that summer I found my favourite spot in the city, some park bench overlooking downtown LA, and sat there alone on several occasions, watching the view and planning to bring somebody I cared for to sit there with me one late evening before I left the city. For one reason or another, this never actually happened. I lost a lot of weight again, mainly because I usually forgot to eat, plus I never worked out anymore, and I went to a lot of concerts; I paid for most of them. I went out to several clubs and I kept taking drugs, yet more ferociously than before, though I always turned it down when somebody offered me Es or MDMA on some dancefloor somewhere, regardless of how fucked I was on GBL or GHB or ketamine or coke, because I never wanted to feel euphoric, ecstatic, happy. These were still dirty words. It was a Sunday morning in a club during that summer when some guy walked up to me and told me that I looked perfect, then asked me to close my eyes. When I did, he kissed each of my eyelids softly and went away. I didn’t react to this but it made me think of my Father for some reason and I felt sorry for him. Sorry for having me as a son. During that summer it got really hot and it reminded me of summers in Greece when I was growing up, and that usually made me more upset because thinking of a wasted youth and the passing of time is the quickest way to kill my spirit. I drove into the desert several times, usually in the evening, taking girls with me that I was dating at the time. We’d park on the side of the road, leave the music on in the car and sit on the red, dusty rocks surrounded by darkness. On a few occasions other cars sped by, filled with drunken young boys who would yell out of the windows as they drove past. All those times I kept quiet. During that summer I tried to cut out sedatives for the first time, but that only meant reducing my Valium dosage to 10mg every 48 hours or so. It was years later that I was able to sleep consistently every night without any pills. During that summer I lay in the park every other day and got sunburnt and although I could have done this with friends, I usually did it alone. During that summer I realised that I would never live to see my late 30s, because this existence isn’t sustainable really, no one can survive it, but that didn’t upset me, it didn’t bother me that much and I decided to be practical instead, so I started making lists of things I wanted my friends to do after I wouldn’t be around anymore. During that summer, I started researching jobs that I would never apply for, ate lots of cheap ice cream and shot up for the first time.

Friday 25/03/11

2011-03-25T14:59:00.000Z

You know how books sometimes have a quotation right at the beginning, before the actual story starts? From another book, or a poem, or a song, or some really smart person of some sort? The quote that I want to get is from a Sylvia Plath poem called Pursuit and it’s this:

‘I hurl my heart to halt his pace,
To quench his thirst I squander blood;
He eats, and still his need seeks food,
Compels a total sacrifice.’

I’m not sure if I will get it yet, because you need approval and stuff like that (and Sylvia Plath is, apparently, one of the most requested poets, probably because she’s well known and attracts people like me who are not actually really interested in poetry and have only read one poetry book in their lives), but in any case, if you buy my book please imagine it there at the very beginning. Thanks.

Thursday 24/03/11

2011-03-24T20:12:00.004Z

Here are my top 21 songs from February / March 2k11.

Usual disclaimer: Songs 'appearing online' over these two months. Anything goes - singles, album tracks, remixes, other leaked tracks.

Ranking order correct on the very minute of clicking on 'publish post'. I reserve the right to change my mind seconds later.

I limited myself to three songs maximum by artist, unless they were Yelle in which case they could have four.

(Clickable links)

1. Que veux-tu - Yelle
2. Out of control (ft Paul Barker) - Wolfram
3. S'eteint le soleil - Yelle
4. Mon pays - Yelle
5. Fireworks (ft Hercules & Love Affair) - Wolfram
6. Evil woman - Hoodie Allen & Mike Posner
7. Is that your girl - Mattie Safer
8. Unillusion - Yelle
9. A house of many ghosts - Brothertiger
10. Think you can wait - The National
11. Big fat bass - Britney Spears (yes, I did just put Britney right after The National)
12. Norway - Wolfram (sorry, can't find link)
13. Crazy for you (ft Annie) - Designer Drugs
14. Walk it back - R.E.M.
15. Singular - Discodeine
16. Embody - SebastiAn
17. Bernadette - IAMX
18. Cold Red Light - IAMX
19. Udon or Work - High Powered Boys
20. High together - Siriusmo
21. Hold my breath - Holy Ghost!

The end

Tuesday 15/03/11

2011-03-15T21:38:00.007Z

I emailed a friend today and asked him what he's reading and he wrote back with a link for this book called ___ by a writer called ___. I looked it up and it turned out he was an English writer and this was his first novel and it just came out. Then I looked up the writer on facebook - we have two friends in common - and found his profile and emailed my friend and said:

I looked up ___ on facebook. His profile picture is a tiny blurry shot of the back of his head. How do these people expect to sell any books?

And my friend - who's a bit of a lit snob - wrote back quite facetiously:

I don't know, perhaps they believe it will sell based on content 'LOL'

And I said:

Yes, in the year 2011 when no one buys anything printed on paper anymore and despite this, still, hundreds of thousands of new titles come out each year, I'm going to sit there and hope that my book sells 'based on content'. HA. I operated on a specific policy during the London Preppy days, which was 'come for the pictures, stay for the words' and it worked very well, thank you, M.

Then I came home and I put this together, because I kinda think that Exit Through The Wound is pretty good (though I find it embarrassing to state anything like this), but I also appreciate the highly ridiculous in life and I don't think this will ever go away.

So:

Friday 11/03/11

2011-03-11T18:34:00.003Z

This is the back cover of the book. The paper planes make sense when you read a particular bit of the story.

Thursday 10/03/11

2011-03-10T18:43:00.001Z

An email I received yesterday:

I was having dinner last week in Cape Town and two guys at the next table were talking about your blog. The tables were close together so I listened. They talked about whether they thought it was actually real. And they decided that it wasn't but they couldn't work out who the person was in the pictures with the red bar.

Wednesday 09/03/11 - Meeting Bret Easton Ellis

2011-03-09T15:58:00.006Z

I thought I’d write this, seeing that I’m a real-life Bret Easton Ellis tribute act with that tattoo and everything, so why not.

I don’t know if I should assume that everyone who comes across this page knows everything about London Preppy, so here’s a brief history:

- I kinda like Bret Easton Ellis’ books
- At one point I got a tattoo of his name on my arm
- At another point I got another tattoo referencing Less Than Zero, my favourite book of his
- A couple of years ago BEE was giving an interview and he brought me up as an example of a super-fan or something, I guess

The whole tattoo thing has been quite divisive, not because there are no other people out there with writers’ names tattooed on them, but, I suppose, mainly because BEE is still alive and active, which makes my choice a little creepy. It’s probably fine to have Shakespeare or Kafka or Nietzsche tattooed on you, because these people are dead and it’s not like you’re ever likely to meet them.

On the other hand, people also get tattoos of singer or band names on them all the time and these singers or bands are very much alive, but somehow this comes across as more normal. I don’t know why and I don’t care much.

I’ve said before that I didn’t actually have some burning desire to meet Bret (like I don’t really have a burning desire to meet anyone, because meeting anyone is very stressful and you have to talk and things, which I’m not good at), but as it happens I actually went to a book signing for Imperial Bedrooms last year and met him there. And here’s how that went.

My friend Enid sent me a message in July last year telling me that Bret was doing a reading at this book shop on Kensington High Street and that I should go. My first thought was, well that’s definitely not happening, but then I guess what happened was that I spoke about this with some friends and we decided it would be a fantastic opportunity to drop a meme and generate some ridiculousness and hilarity in the form of ‘a story to tell’. So I went.

My friend N bought us tickets and I paid him back in Xanax and we got there at a relatively decent time when there was already a queue, but not a long one. The reading was sold out apparently, but when we got in and took our seats it turned out that the chair next to mine was and remained empty, which is a shame because A Girl also wanted to come, but she couldn’t. I’m not going to complain much though, because it’s nice to have an empty seat next to you, as you well know.

Bret came on and he read a bit of Imperial Bedrooms and them some broad from a ridiculous chick magazine who thought she was Mariella Frostrup ‘interviewed’ him and I suppose he did a good job of not throwing a hardback on her head, but perhaps I would also be more patient if I were getting paid.

Then they opened to questions from the audience and the main people I remember participating were:

Some old Italian woman (45? 50?) with numerous incredibly long-winded, going-nowhere questions in broken English and the heaviest accent I’ve heard in my life, who made me turn religious momentarily and thank Jesus for not sounding like that (although I still have an accent).

Some lit geeks on the front row who were asking literary questions and practically providing answers as well whilst Bret was talking, mainly namedropping books and writers, etc, trying to convince everyone in the room that they’re exceptionally well-read and cultured and perhaps they were, but there were also incredibly unattractive and at the end of the day we all know that being good-looking is the only thing that really counts.

A young couple who were attacking Bret with such original questions as ‘how can you say Less Than Zero is a moralist book when it’s bleak and filled with violence’, etc, which made me think that if I do become a successful writer (ha), I’ll still go to readings twenty-five years down the line and answer questions about the red bars on my pictures on the blog, and how much of what I write is true, because there are always morons in the general public who can’t think of anything new for themselves.

Anyway, when that insufferable section was over we had two choices: either leave or queue up and have our books signed by Bret. Naturally, after a mild panic attack, I decided to stay.

And these are some of the highlights of what was said between Bret and me over the next, say, 10-15 minutes.

Me (as an opening line): So yeah, I’m the guy with the tattoo of your name *points at arm*
Bret: Oh, you’re London Preppy

Then we talked about the interview he gave to the magazine mentioning me and my blog, then I tried to reassure him that I wasn’t a crazy stalker, then he made a good impression of believing me, then I generally stuttered a lot, then he mentioned seeing me on twitter and contemplating whether he should follow me (“should Bret Easton Ellis follow London Preppy”, he asked himself, apparently), then I told him that he should, then he said he hasn’t read much of the blog, then I told him that he’s not missing out on anything, then there was more small talk, a ridiculous picture of us together and then he signed my book ‘to London Preppy’ instead of my real name (my choice, as I thought this would generate a more buzzworthy jpeg for blogging / tweeting purposes). Before I left he said that he’ll follow me on twitter, asked if people can private-message each other there and then suggested that we keep in touch. None of which things have happened since, of course, but hey the guy has been in the public eye for three decades and knows how to speak to fans and what to say. He’s not crazy.

Anyway, I guess that’s everything. Since I finished my book a few weeks ago, I’ve been contacting him on twitter because I’d like him to have a read and in an ideal world give me a sleeve note, but he hasn’t acknowledged this.

Perhaps this is a little desperate, but I think I have one opportunity in life this year to make this book a success and be a full-time writer and I'm going to try not to waste it. Bret has had a ridiculously successful writing career over the last twenty-five years and people who have been following his interviews /twitter / writing lately (pre-Imperial Bedrooms to now) can clearly see that his focus is currently Hollywood / the movies and he’s extremely keen to 'break through' there in some capacity or another (possibly because that’s where the big $$$ is or possibly because that’s his preferred medium now), but I’m about thirty years behind in career life-stage and a moderately successful first novel with a sleeve note from my favourite living writer would do me fine.

Wednesday 09/03/11 Part 2

2011-03-09T12:02:00.001Z

Does anyone have a spare ticket or two for Hercules & Love Affair this Friday at Village Underground? Obvs, I'll pay (but it's sold out).

Wednesday 09/03/11

2011-03-09T08:51:00.000Z

Tuesday 08/03/11

2011-03-08T16:47:00.002Z

Well this has never happened before, but here we have a guest blogger on London Preppy; whatchu gonna do about it?

This guest blogger is a new friend (I’m using the word liberally as I don’t believe in human interaction, let alone human ‘relationships’) and is a) female and b) gay. Perhaps like me you were unaware that women can now be gay too, but this is primarily the point of this post. It’s educational.

She currently lives in London but is moving to Melbourne of Australia fame within the next couple of months. If you happen to live there, you should try to seek her out and be her friend. There are a lot worse things you could do.

The guest blogger writes:

Ok, so for the past couple of months, I’ve been working out at London Preppy’s gym and we’ve been chatting about the talent there (for him there’s loads, for me, as a lesbian, it’s a veritable desert of tumbleweed, broken dreams and unfulfilled potential).

Anyway, at some point, it dawned on me that London Preppy, author, philosopher and gay-man-about-town, knew nothing, absolutely nothing, about his sisters-in-arms, the lesbians. I think this only truly realised this when London Preppy said “I know nothing about you or your kind, Gia, so don’t assume I’m understanding any of these cultural references you keep mentioning, they’re all passing me by.”

My first thought was ‘this is a travesty, and after I’ve spent hours poring over his blog as well’. My second thought (because I’m practical, it’s one of our ‘things’) was ‘I must write a handy lesbian spotters guide to educate him and promote pan gay man / lesbian woman solidarity’.

So I did. And here it is.

Introducing The Handy Lesbian Spotters Guide.... featuring Leftie Lezzie, Curious and Deviant, Sporty Dyce and more! (but not loads more, I know you have lives, people).

Use it to identify that girl in your office who claims never to date. Ever wonder who those strange women (who aren’t fag-hags) are when you’re out? Tick off each typology the next time you’re out on the scene. Has your sister never brought home a man? Here’s your answer...

“Leftie Lezzie” estimated 18% of les population

As the name suggests, this lesbian is left-leaning, and is likely to be in possession of an expensive, liberal, but mostly useless, education. She is highly likely to be a vegetarian (meat is murder) and tends to drink herbal tea whilst reading The Guardian. She has an annoying social conscience and will lecture you endlessly on abortion rights, free university education and how appalling the Tories are. She would probably be a lesbian, even if she didn’t fancy women, as sex is a ‘feminist issue’. She has poor dress sense and tends to wear plastic shoes (no leather allowed). She totally knows that today is International Women’s Day. If you’re ever invited to Lefty Lezzie’s house for dinner, don’t go, you will be fed an under-seasoned lentil-based dish and you will get cat hairs all over your trousers. If Leftie Lezzie was a celebrity, she would be Germaine Greer.

Curious and Deviant”: estimated 11% of les population

This is the segment that fuels the fantasies of lad-mag readers and anything with “girl-on-girl” in the title. They are stereotypically feminine and most likely to be bi. They tend to look quite predatory. They visit (and sometimes stay) in lezzie land because of sexual curiosity and because they think this is an instant ticket to hotness. This is the segment most likely to utter phrases such as “well, a woman just knows a woman’s body better” or “fancy a threesome?” Almost all women on the fetish scene fall into the Curious and Deviant typology and there is a steady stream of them frequenting girl-bars, trying to pick up innocent lesbians to corrupt. They tend to have better luck doing this, if they leave their boyfriend(s) at home. Don’t worry about being invited to their house for dinner – they don’t cook. If Curious and Deviant was a celebrity, she would be Angelina Jolie (and she fantasises about this fact often).

PS, Other point of interest; my girlfriend falls into this typology. I fall into the ‘innocent lesbian, being picked up in a bar’ typology. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

“Gay-man Wannabe”: estimated 24% of les population

You see Gay-man Wannabe every time you go into Soho - her spiritual home is ‘The Candy Bar’. This typology has come about because we don’t really have a culture or an identity to speak of – Gay-man Wannabe has cottoned on to the fact that gay men do have a culture (even if it is a shallow, vacuous, drug-fuelled one) and has therefore simply co-opted it, ripped it off, stolen it. If gay men ever stopped admiring their pretty reflections long enough to realise this, Gay-man Wannabe would have a lawsuit on her hands. She’s into fashion, the gym and grinding her jaw at 4 in the morning. She’s quite androgynous but because she’s only 5‘4 and female, she tends to look like a 12 year old boy, rather than the hot, muscled gay guy she’s emulating. Rather embarrassingly, tween-aged girls in Topshop sometime run over to her thinking she’s Justin Beiber* If Gay-man Wannabe was a celebrity, she actually would be Justin Beiber. Or possibly P!nk

*this actually happened to a friend of mine. Apparently it made her feel like a ‘total peado’

“Sporty Dyce” (estimated 19% of les population)

Sporty Dyce is your classic sport-loving tom-boy. She comes in two flavours; posh or common. Posh Dyce went to all-girls boarding school, did lots of pony-riding (take that any way you want to) and had an ‘incident’ with her best friend Harriet, after too much shandy, in the lower sixth. Harriet and her never spoke again (v sad). Common Dyce was dressed in her older brother’s clothes because money was a bit tight at home, so it’s all the parents' fault really. Posh Dyce likes hockey and rubgy. Common Dyce plays footie. All of the women’s English football team are common Dyce (fact). Weirdly, Common Dyce all have long hair, because they think that having short hair makes you look like a lesbian. Unfortunately, this means they just look like lesbians with crap long hair (if you don’t want to look like a lesbian, take off the track-suit luv!). If Common Sporty Dyce was a celebrity, she would be Sporty Spice (obviously). If Posh Sporty Dyce was a celebrity, she would be Claire Balding or Ellen MacAuthur.

“The Straight Lesbian” (estimated 16% of les population)

As the name suggests, The Straight Lesbian would really much rather be hetro. She views her sexual orientation as a massive inconvenience, a cruel joke. Unlike Curious and Deviant, who at least enjoys sex with men and is nominally bisexual, The Straight Lesbian has no real feelings towards men at all but craves the respectability of marriage and children. All Straight Lesbians were v happy the day civil partnerships were granted. They also love a bit of baby-making and will scour the internet looking to purchase sperm by dubious means. . If The Straight Lesbian feels she can’t deal with faking an actual hetro marriage, she will look for a ‘wife’ to settle down with. There are quite a few unsuspecting straight men married to straight lesbian. Sometimes, they switch and pretend that they are actually straight, but five years later, their ex-girlfriend will still receive drunken phonecalls off them reminiscing about ‘how good they were together’.
Personally, I find The Straight Lesbian absolutely terrifying.

If the straight lesbian was a celebrity, she would be Anne Heche (Ellen DeGeneres’ ex gf, now ‘straight’)

Point of interest: I once went out on a date with a Straight Lesbian. She asked me (on the first date) if my brother would be open to the idea of sperm donation. I replied “my brother is manic-depressive, so I would really worry about the quality of his sperm”. She said “yes, but how does he feel about sperm donation?” - we didn’t date again.

“Eastend Hipster” (estimated 12% of les population)

Soho is dead. Eastend Hipster knew this about three years ago and has been strutting her stuff, albeit v cooly, in Dalston and its environs ever since. She wore Wayfarers the summer before everyone else did, she had the skinny jeans and the two-tone hair a whole season before the fashion bods took notice and to be honest, I don't know what she'll be wearing this weekend, as I. am. not. her. She studies art at Central St Martin's College, and like the song goes, despite living in a squat and being a bit of a working class hero, she often skips to the home counties of a weekend, to visit the decidedly middle-class ‘rentals. She thinks I'm only bitchin' 'cause I'm jealous, and she's right; now is her moment in the sun, so let her enjoy it; she's cool, she's hip, she's all over those underground warehouse parties and she's so post-meta-gay that she doesn't even see sexuality as a label... 'it's more of... an energy between two people in a moment'.

Like most tryhards who find themselves accidentally surfing the zeitgeist, she's also insufferably smug. If Eastend Hipster was a celebrity, she certainly wouldn't give you an autograph and she might just be Agyness Deyn.

Sunday 27/02/11

2011-02-27T17:50:00.001Z

So I guess this is what the book is about 'etc'

Tuesday 22/02/11

2011-02-22T13:42:00.001Z

OMG, you guys, this is the cover of Exit Through The Wound, no biggie.

There are several elements on this cover, but from where I’m sitting I guess the main thing that’s jumping out at me is a picture of a long road. Where does this road lead? Why is no one on it? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? Etc.

On either side of this road there is some ‘desert’ and right ahead ‘a big mass of purple mountains’. I don’t know about you, but looking at this picture all I wanna do is put Body Double by Pilotpriest on and drive down that road. Failing that, some Saint Etienne will do.

There is strong contention about where this road is. Some people say it’s in southern California, others claim SoCal. I guess if you go along the general lines of California, but not the northern or central parts of it, you’ll probably be right.

The title of the book – in canary yellow – came to me in a vision one Tuesday evening whilst I was hallucinating on the platform at Notting Hill tube station (eastbound). So did my name. I decided to keep both and make them official, in commemoration of that amazing ‘trip’.

Sunday 20/02/11

2011-02-20T11:48:00.001Z

For anyone who used to follow my Top Songs that I posted every two months, I do this on my tumblr profile now. Seems more appropriate there. Link for January-February 2k11 list here:

http://london-preppy.tumblr.com/post/3401106812/top-15-songs-of-2k11-so-far

Thursday 17/02/11

2011-02-17T11:41:00.002Z

OK, it turns out that I started writing this blog four years ago; the first post was in March 2007. I wrote every day for a while in a somewhat obsessive manner, and looking back on that period the main thing I remember is how much I liked doing it, but also how exhausting it was. It was just not acceptable that I wouldn’t update one day. I couldn’t deal with it. I had a full-time job, plus as much of a life as any of us has and also this side project which, in fact, was my main preoccupation on each day. I was so involved in this and it drove me a little bit crazy, but there we go. I’ve crawled back into relative sanity now. Thinking back I would have guessed that this updating daily thing lasted a whole lot longer than it actually did. I really does feel like I spent half a decade doing it. In fact, looking at the dates I wrote every day between March 2007 and October 2008. Not such a big deal after all.

I’m sure there’s a combination of reasons why I wrote London Preppy : Because I like writing? Because I’m self-obsessed and hungry for attention? Because I’m insecure and seek validation? Because I saw it as a way out of whatever aspects of my life I wasn’t keen on? Because I was bored? Because it got more addictive as more people visited? Probably all the above. The point is that very few things have had as much of an impact in my life as writing London Preppy did. Things I directly influenced, controlled and was solely responsible for anyway.

I know that being proud of something is not a cool angle and I know that perhaps there really isn’t anything to be proud about. But on a certain straightforward, non-ironic level, I’m pleased for the effect London Preppy has had in my life. I’m kinda happy when random people that I don’t know still come up to me and mention they used to read the blog and I’m kinda happy when I see the number of visits it’s had in the last four years (I’m confident that at least some of the 1.2 million hits are not directly from my own IP addresses). And most of all I’m pleased that it gave me the opportunity to write my own novel, and that a publisher actually wanted to put it out.

I’m not sure exactly what the purpose of posting this was. I finished writing Exit Through The Wound two days ago, and I wanted to write something that wasn’t fictional / in the same narrative as that. So I thought I’d write a blog about blogging, now that blogging is dead. Plus I basically wanted to thank everyone who’s spent even three seconds (cumulatively) in the last four years visiting this site, or thought, read, talked about London Preppy at one point or another, because this is clearly the reason why my novel happened. And I’m deluded enough for this to be a bit of a big deal to me.

*Group hug*
*Regrets group hug and pulls back timidly*
*Swallows pills*

PS. This is not the writing style of the book, by the way. I did not write it on Prozac.

Saturday 12/02/11

2011-02-12T22:17:00.004Z

The transition from alt gay-interest blogger when blogging with a thing to entry-level mainstream author bro is incomplete.

Wednesday 09/02/11

2011-02-09T09:17:00.002Z

The first five words of Exit Through The Wound are:

"During that summer in California..."

Sunday 06/02/11

2011-02-06T11:00:00.003Z

Wednesday 02/01/11

2011-02-01T19:22:00.006Z

Tuesday 01/02/11

2011-01-31T22:11:00.003Z

Monday 31/01/11

2011-01-30T19:48:00.003Z

Sunday 30/01/11

2011-01-30T10:38:00.003Z

Saturday 29/01/11

2011-01-29T10:02:00.002Z

Friday 28/01/11

2011-01-27T23:24:00.004Z

Thursday 27/01/11

2011-01-27T09:30:00.006Z

Wednesday 26/01/11

2011-01-26T13:08:00.004Z

Tuesday 25/01/11

2011-01-24T22:39:00.010Z

Monday 24/01/11

2011-01-24T13:34:00.008Z

Sunday 23/01/11

2011-01-23T11:12:00.003Z

I'm sorry but I hadn't clicked on any of the blogs on my blog list here on the right for months, maybe decades, and I just did only to realise that most of them had disappeared / closed down / not been updated forever. So I cleared the list.

Obviously what that tells us is that a) blogs are dead (but we knew that anyway) and/or b) most blogs have a lifecycle of about two to three years (again, duh).

Anyway, in the middle of this deserted landscape, there actually is one blog (ugh, even the word 'blog' sounds cringeworthy now, doesn't it?) that I recently discovered and is pretty fucking wonderful.

It's called You Are An Object and contains fantastic images conforming to a very specific, attractive perspective and writing that is, officially, "very very good".

http://youareanobject.com/

So that's that.

Friday 21/01/11

2011-01-21T20:50:00.004Z

Here's a trivial, relatively entertaining story that just happened and I really really liked and I thought I'd blog it (I can't blog long entries like I used to, because I'm writing the book during the day and I'd rather keep any proper material for that, you understand).

Note for anyone who doesn't know: I changed my name about five years ago from a Greek name to an Anglo-Saxon name. Let's pretend the Greek Name was Yannis Papadopoulos and let's pretend my current Anglo-Saxon Name is Firstname Surname. Firstname Surname is an obscene preppy name that no one in real life is called. I chose it for larfs.

Now that we're all up to speed, the story:

Ages ago my friend Nathan was telling how his boyfriend, Alejandro, had overreacted about something and apparently to this I replied: Oh, it must be the "o" at the end of his name that's causing him to behave like this.

Now I was just sitting at home this evening and I received the following email from Nathan:

"So I just told Friend X how a friend once said 'it must be that o at the end of his name' in relation to Alej's overreaction. He said: 'Firstname?' I said correct. And Friend X replied: 'I suppose with a name that WASP-y overreaction in his family results in the Martini glass being overfilled"

[I should point that I don't know Friend X and he doesn't know me. He must have just seen my name on facebook as a friend of Nathan's]. And Nathan continued to me:

"So I said to Friend X 'Please. He was born Yannis Papadopoulos'. In brief: you have them fooled, Firstname. Well done, well done indeed."

And that was my story. I've never been happier about changing my name. Well, apart from that time when I met Bret Easton Ellis and he asked me what my name was and I said Firstname and he wasn't getting it and then my friend that I was with commented: Your name is so ridiculous that the king of 80s preppy Americans himself couldn't believe it. That was a good day.

So in conclusion, change your names. All of you. It's such fun.

Saturday 08/01/11

2011-01-09T00:01:00.004Z

So, someone left a comment on the last post saying:

"I'm not sure I can wait till September [for the book]. Can we have some teasers please?"

Well I'm not sure if they were serious or taking the piss, but I'm going to employ my delusion (why not? it's taken me thus far) and assume they were serious and say that yes, there will be teasers and there will be information and outlines and excerpts, etc on here before the book comes out.

And when the cover is decided (which will be within the next few weeks) I'll post it on here and generally I'll try to keep anyone who's interested up to date.

Oh also, sometimes as I'm writing I need a name for a character and because I completely lack imagination and can't think of any, I ask people to tweet me their names (if they want to be written in) and I use those. So keep an eye on that if you want to play along: London Preppy Twitter

Happy 2011. If that's the type of emotion you go for. I'm not here to judge.

Friday 17/12/10

2010-12-18T00:15:00.002Z

I read Scott the last paragraph of my book and I gave him a summary of the plot explaining the theme and what I've written about and his comment was:

"It sounds sad"

[smiley]

Wednesday 08/12/10

2010-12-08T20:55:00.001Z

Saturday 04/12/10

2010-12-04T18:52:00.007Z

Part A - Emails between Nathan and me

Nathan (quoting what I wrote in my last post below):

"I liked the CFCF mix of Trouble a lot, I looked him up on facebook because I'm a crazy stalker, I friend requested him because I thought he might be gay and I needed to get in there and have sex with him before he makes it big, sent him a message stating "You're my new obsession" (which is the opening line from Trouble), he ignored both the friend request and my message and now I HATE HIM."

I miss this side of you.

Me: I’m still the same…no?

Nathan: You're the same. But you're less randomly mental as you have ___ and ___ and therefore are more invested in sane endeavours than insane ones.

Remember the halcyon days when life was all about emailing random people because they may be gay and you might want to sleep with them then obsessing over their lack of reply. Back before people overdosed in gas masks and rubber or had near fatal crashes on the M25.

As a friend, I'm happy for you. As an LP reader, I'm sad for my lost amusement.

I'll just have to wait for the book.

Me: Well, in that case I know what you mean. I guess I’m finding it a bit easier now to distinguish between the character that I wanted to write about and myself. I.e. I don’t need to do these things to write about them.

It was getting a bit crazy back then, admittedly. I was quite unstable and – I think – a little bit unhappier than I would say I am now.

Nathan: I can see that, hence the ‘as a friend I’m happy for you’.

I don’t think you were that crazy. Then again, I get you (most of the time… well… all of time in terms of appreciating your motivations, most of the time in terms of agreeing with them).

You’ll be happy to know, however, that your craziest period will forever be how many people think of you.

Part B - My top 10 music videos of 2010

1) In the sun - She & Him (by far)

2) La musique - Yelle

3) Giving up the gun - Vampire Weekend

4) Rude boy - Rihanna

5) Attack music - These New Puritans

6) Second lives - Vitalic

7) I love u so - Cassius

8) Barbra Streisand - Duck Sauce

9) Drunk girls - LCD Soundsystem

10) 15.6.6.9.3.9.14.1.18.21.13.56155 - iamamiwhoami

Sunday 28/11/10

2010-11-27T18:35:00.010Z

These are my lists for 2010:

Top 25 songs (ranked)
Top 15 albums (ranked)
Top 5 remixes (2010 remixes of older songs)
My Top 5 most played songs of 2010 (according to iTunes / last.fm)
My Top 5 most played albums of 2010 (according to iTunes / last.fm)

So here they are.

Top 25 songs

1. Body double - Pilotpriest

The full version of this song is over 12 minutes. What you need to do is buy yourself a ticket to LA, get yourself a car, someone that you love (I had all these elements apart from the last one, obvs) and drive into the desert in the middle of the night following Highway 62 listening to this song ON REPEAT. There are some rules: no one is allowed to talk / you can't drive too fast / you have to be a little upset, but nothing major. If you can't arrange for all this to happen - and I do know that I'm asking for a lot - perhaps you can lock yourself in a dark room, lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. And tell me you don't like it.

2. ADD SUV - Uffie

Trust me, it's as embarrassing for me as it is for you having a song with a rap by Pharrell in the middle as my second favourite of the year. But you know how life is. Bad things just happen and you do your best not to kill yourself each day. On this occasion, the ridiculous production and this lyric ("Valium makes your soul get higher") are enough to make me forgive anything.

3. La musique - Yelle

I LOVE YELLE MORE THAN I LOVE ICE CREAM. That is all.

4. Royal T - Crookers ft Roisin Murphy

Early in the year soon after this song came out, I converted my living room into a dark nightclub that played this on a constant loop. There was no charge for entry and we were open 24 hours. We did some good business.

5. I feel better - Hot Chip

You know what? Listen to this song and sing along and tell me that you're not begging for another "ahaa ahaa" at the very end of the song (like the one at 1:57)

6. XXXO - M.I.A.

I know that you'd rather kill yourself and everyone around you than sign a text message with "x", but since this song came out, it's clear that the rules have changed and you can occasionally sign with "xxxo", in reference.

7. History - Groove Armada

Look, this is a song by Groove Armada and Will Young is singing it, so despite all this bad fortune it must be pretty good to be here, right?

8. Baby I'm yours (Aeroplane remix) - Breakbot

I tried very hard to make this song happen in my summer holiday to ____. It never did [sad face]. There is always next Circuit though.

9. Moon theory - Miami Horror

If you're extremely gay and aren't content with this version of the song, you can always try the Punks Jump Up remix "for some added beat LOLZ"

10. Someone else's bed - Hole

Does anyone like this album? It seems not. Oh well, I do.

11. Thieves - She & Him

Scott refuses to listen to the She & Him album all the way through, because he says she's too whiny. [sad face AGAIN]

12. Cooler Couleur - Crookers ft Yelle

This includes the lyric "dancing with the Crookers in a costume duck" and that's because Yelle is French and must have translated directly from her language, where the adjective follows the noun occasionally. I mean, come on, not even my English is that bad. Poor form.

13. I love u so - Cassius

An iPhone app exists for this song, which I had to delete about 250 pictures on my phone to make space for and then when I downloaded it, it wouldn't work. THANKS CASSIUS

14. Trouble (CFCF remix) - Fabio Lendrum

I liked the CFCF mix of Trouble a lot, I looked him up on facebook because I'm a crazy stalker, I friend requested him because I thought he might be gay and I needed to get in there and have sex with him before he makes it big, sent him a message stating "You're my new obsession" (which is the opening line from Trouble), he ignored both the friend request and my message and now I HATE HIM.

15. White sky (Cecile remix) - Vampire Weekend

Well this is quite fantastic, isn't it? This is what my days in California sound like.

16. The kiss - Pallers

This is one of those things that I find in random blogs and I really like very much, but no one else on the planet probably gives a shit about. But now you do too, so that's fine.

17. Not in love - Crystal Castles ft Robert Smith

I can't think of any amusing anecdotes about this song instantly I'm afraid and it's the last one I have to write about on the list, plus I only slept for two hours last night, so make something up yourself, ta.

18. Momma's place - Roisin Murphy

When this first came out back in January or whatever it was, I was playing it very loud in my living room on a Monday evening, only for my next door neighbour whom I'd never seen before (or since) to knock on my door complaining about the noise. He said he was in bed. It was 2130 in the evening. I was exceptionally happy when I looked at the building plan later and realised that his apartment is exactly half the size of mine. HALF. I hate poor people. They love to moan, don't they?

19. Giving up the gun - Vampire Weekend

The cover of this album features on my my music wall. My music wall is one of the walls in my flat, where I hang up record covers of records that I really like. Hmm, maybe I'll take a picture* of this and include at the end here.

20. Way back home - Bag Raiders

I can't decide whether Bag Raiders are the British Cut Copy or Presets, but they're definitely one of the two. Until someone points out to me that they're not actually British.

21. Stop and stare - Fenech-Soler

I saw Fenech-Soler live earlier in the year, with underwhelming results. Let me count how many of the 25 artists I've seen live now. Hmm, nine. That's OK, I suppose.

22. Dance yrself clean - LCD Soundsystem

Speaking of which, I saw LCD Soundsystem back in April, and it was so bad I nearly went off them for good.

23. Journey - Matt Van Schie

What a pleasant tune. The end.

24. Fan out - Surkin

Don't come complaining to me when somebody offers you poppers on the tube when you start listening to this on your headphones.

25. Nightcall (MMMathias remix) - Kavinsky

I follow Kavinsky on Twitter. Out of 1,190 tweets, I have yet to read one that can be rated more than 0.004% interesting. STICK TO THE DAY JOB, KAVO

Top 15 albums

1. Contra - Vampire Weekend
2. Sex Dreams And Denim Jeans - Uffie
3.One Life Stand - Hot Chip
4. Black Light - Groove Armada
5. Nobody's Daughter - Hole
6. Acolyte - Delphic
7. Volume Two - She & Him
8. Crystal Castles - Crystal Castles
9. This Is Happening - LCD Soundsystem
10. Business Casual - Chromeo
11. Illumination - Miami Horror
12. Bag Raiders - Bag Raiders
13. Tron Legacy O.S.T. - Daft Punk
14. Maintenant - Gigi
15. En Fin Tid - Diskjokke

Top 5 2010 remixes (of songs that came out before 2010) (no particular order)

Skinny love (Das Kapital rerun) - Bon Iver
Fuck the pain away (Skyrunner remix) - Peaches
Hurtful (A Copycat remix) - Erik Hassle
Re:stacks (Tomas Barford remix) - Bon Iver
Sweet disposition (Doorly remix) - The Temper Trap

My most played songs

1. ADD SUV - Uffie (128 plays)
2. XXXO - M.I.A. (127)
3. History - Groove Armada (120)
4. I feel better - Hot Chip (111)
5. Royal T - Crookers ft Roisin Murphy (105)

My most played albums

1. Sex Dreams And Denim Jeans - Uffie (385 plays)
2. One Life Stand - Hot Chip (320)
3. Contra - Vampire Weekend (229)
3. Black Light - Groove Armada (229)
3. Acolyte - Delphic (229)

*The record cover wall I was talking about:

In gold frames, two of my three favourite albums of all time (I haven't found the third one yet). In black frames, everything else.

Saturday 20/11/10

2010-11-20T12:59:00.001Z

Saturday 13/11/10

2010-11-14T01:36:00.003Z

Does anyone want to book me to come and DJ? I'll come and DJ.

I can't mix.

Remember, my fee is $0

Saturday 06/11/10

2010-11-06T09:15:00.004Z

Here's Part 5 of my favourite songs of 2010, covering September / October. Click to listen.

1. Yelle - La musique
2. Cassius - I love u so
3. Hole - Someone else's bed
4. Tepr - Too too too
5. Crystal Castles - Not in love (ft Robert Smith)
6. Gigi - Won't someone tell me
7. Mason - Boadicea (ft Roisin Murphy)
8. Hot Chip - Didn't know what love was (ft Bernard Sumner & Hot City)
9. Belle & Sebastian - I want the world to stop
10. Daft Punk - Derezzed (NTEIBINT remix)
11. Magnetic Man - Getting nowhere (ft John Legend)
12. Paul Weller - No tears to cry
13. Gigi - No, my heart will go on
14. Groove Armada - History (love mix)
15. Chromeo - Hot mess
16. Bag Raiders - Gone away
17. Chromeo - When the night falls
18. Royksopp - I wanna know
19. Bag Raiders - Castles in the air
20. Gold Panda - Greek style
21. Jimmy Eat World - Heart is hard to find
22. Vampire Weekend - White sky (Basement Jaxx remix)
23. Cassius - Les enfants
24. Groove Armada - I won't kneel (White Light version)
25. Tepr - Western funk
26. Houses - Soak it up
27. Maximum Balloon (ft Karen O) - Communion

Saturday 23/10/10

2010-10-23T11:20:00.004+01:00

Right, so the story is that I got a deal for my first novel to come out.

That's quite good, isn't it?

If everything goes well and according to plan (and nothing ever does) it will be out in September 2011. There's even a set date, but I'll avoid quoting that at the moment, because there's so much bad luck you can invite in one post. The publisher is Glasshouse Books, who recently put out Boys & Girls, the anthology that contains my first published story.

I don't know how much I can say about the novel at the moment, so I'll say what I want and hope for the best. And by best, I mean the worst.

The title is the same as my short story - Exit Through The Wound. It will be published under my real name.

There is a similar theme to Exit Through The Wound (the short story), even though the main character is a bit different.

Also there is a VERY similar theme to the whole London Preppy blog, so hopefully if you were ever into that, you might also enjoy the novel. Potentially this could be the final London Preppy-related output I produce and having put this character to rest, I could move on to write different stuff. But this is looking too far ahead into the future. At the moment I'm working on the novel, editing material, writing some more stuff, etc.

Yesterday I wrote a blurb for the designer who will be creating the artwork for the cover. I had to sum up the plot / theme of the book to give her a feel for it. Here's what I wrote:

Living in London at the end of the first decade of the 21st century, Maine works a thankless graduate job, takes too many recreational and prescription drugs and spends too much of his wealthy parents’ money. He finds a kindred spirit in Sadie, a rich American girl now living in London with her male model boyfriend, and together they attempt to escape the city’s ennui and find purpose through a lifestyle of decadence and self-indulgence. But with Maine’s controlling family and unfulfilling day-to-day routine showing no signs of abating, is there really a way out?

So yeah, London Preppy with a plot and a girlfriend then.

OK, well that's that, wish me luck and see you on the book tour.

In other shameless plug news, Boys & Girls will be available at WH Smith's soon (in addition to the current retailers, Amazon and the Glasshouse website), plus as an e-book from November.

Finally, I'm writing Exit Through The Wound (the novel) on a strict diet of:

And NOTHING else

Thursday 30/09/10

2010-09-30T12:56:00.002+01:00

Thursday picture: A Girl and Grave

Friday 03/09/10

2010-09-03T20:00:00.005+01:00

I said that I'd write a clubbing post next, but that's not ready yet, sorry.

In the meantime here's Part 4 of my favourite songs of 2010, covering July / August.

Links to previous parts are:
Part 1 (January / February)
Part 2 (March / April)
Part 3 (May / June)

Anyway, here's Part 4.

Some of these songs haven't been officially released yet, some of them are singles, some are album tracks, some are remixes. Anyway, they're all "out there" and you can find them and listen to them if you want. I've included a link where you can hear each song (just click on them).

1. Always loved a film - Underworld (this is insanely joyful. Obviously I don't recommend this to anyone who enjoys the darker moments of London Preppy)
2. Hang with me - Robyn
3. I look to you - Miami Horror
4. Over the hill - Monika (this came out a couple of years ago maybe, but it's Greek and I only just found out about it, so it counts for 2010)
5. White sky (Cecile remix) - Vampire Weekend

6. Devotion - Hurts (ft Kylie Minogue)
7. Ricky - Uffie (PS THE WHOLE ALBUM PLEASE)
8. If you return - Maximum Balloon (ft Little Dragon)
9. Scribble - Underworld
10. Pacific coast highway - Hole (or Honey - Hole, I can't decide)

11. Not giving up on love (extended version) - Armin Van Bureen (ft Sophie Ellis-Bextor) (this is my token uncool Sophie choice, but I love her and she's the most beautiful woman in the world. Also, I prefer the extended version as I said, but the link is to the radio edit video, where one can enjoy lots of lovely shots of Sophie frolicking around)
12. Love kills - Robyn
13. Pockets (Annie vocal mix) - K-X-P
14. Your wish is my command (CAASINO mix) - Clyde Brown
15. Way back home - Bag Raiders

16. Rosenrod - Diskjokke (it's difficult to pick a song from that album, because it's not exactly single/track driven, but there we go)
17. When your love is safe (Classixx remix) - Active Child
18. Don't turn the lights on (Aeroplane remix) - Chromeo
19. Lies (The Phantom's Revenge remix) - Fenech-Soler
20. Shadows (Jens Lekman remix) - Au Revoir Simone

21. Smoke and mirrors - Ali Love
22. Internet connection - M.I.A.
23. All to all - Broken Social Scene
24. On and ever onward - Dirty Projectors + Bjork
25. The drug - Royksopp
26. Superstar (The Krays remix) - Aeroplane
27. And I'm (so in love with you) - Andrew Butler

Finally, the most disappointing thing I've heard this week is Robyn's cover of Bjork's Hyper-Ballad, but that's not really a reflection on Robyn, it's more further evidence that Bjork is untouchable and should be left alone. By the way, I have a Bjork tattoo apart from the infamous Bret Easton Ellis one. Why doesn't anyone ever go on about me being mental because of that one?

Saturday 28/08/10

2010-08-28T17:24:00.002+01:00

Firstly, just to say that this is not a London Preppy post. This is not in character. It’s true, and it’s me writing it: NM.

Here goes:

There is a person who has gone too far.

This person has been contacting me for over a year now.

This person was leaving comments on the blog and then started emailing me.

This person set up a fake profile on GRINDR in order to track me down (last year when I was temporarily single and I was using GRINDR), found me, started sending fake pictures and chatting (extensively) to me.

This person discovered my original Greek name and surname (both of which I changed ages ago), set up a gmail address using my full Greek name and started emailing me from it. To put it simply, my current self was receiving emails from the name I used to have growing up.

This person found my sister’s profile on facebook and started sending me emails commenting on my sister’s profile pictures.

This person set up a fake facebook profile and friend requested every single friend of mine there, trying to get access to my information / profile / pictures. He used fake pictures of what gay men consider a hot, muscled guy, so several of my friends accepted his friend request (because I guess that’s what some of them do: hot = accept - it's their fucking prerogative) and he chatted to many of them. I never accepted his friend request (even when I didn’t know it was him yet), because I don’t friend strangers on facebook.

This person has set up at least four different twitter accounts that I know of to follow me on twitter and message me there. Every time I’ve realized it’s him and blocked one, he’s opened a new one.

This person has sent me more messages (via all these sites) and emails over the last twelve months, than any of my real life friends, boyfriend or family.

This person has contacted several of the people I interact with on twitter and my friends on facebook, asking them if they know me in real life and wanting to find more information about me.

I have made the mistake of talking to this person in the past, either because I didn’t recognize the significance of this situation (I have been naïve) or because I didn’t instantly realize it was him in one of his many, many online guises.

Today I found out that he created yet another facebook profile and started messaging friends of mine again, asking them about me.

Looking back over the last year, there is no other way to describe this situation, apart from terrorizing.

I have been naïve and stupid in the past, with regard to allowing access and volunteering information to this person about myself, when I now I realize that I shouldn’t have.

This person has spent a very significant amount of time being online, contacting me and people that I’m close to, using both his real identity and numerous other identities that he created specifically for this purpose. And this has lasted for over a year.

I make no assumptions on what this person’s end goal / motivation is. I don’t know and I don’t want to know. It could be that he’s just very interested in me as person and he wants to be my friend, it could be that he’d quite like to kill me. I’m not really up for either.

I have decided to go public about this using the biggest platform I have, my blog, because I’m a bit sick of it.

I don’t know if this is an exaggeration or not, but I feel that potentially there could be physical threat to me.

My close friends and my boyfriend know about this, of course, and they are aware of the identity of this person. In addition, all the messages I have received over the last year are stored; there is a record of everything.

I don’t know if posting this on the blog is a wise idea. It might annoy this person and give him the final push to come over and shoot me or whatever it is that he wants to do. But I don’t know what else to do – I’ve tried to manage the relationship / be polite and nice / I’ve asked him to back off. But over the last year this person has stressed me out like no one else before and has made me consider deleting my facebook, twitter, blog, stopping writing, etc. I don’t want to hear from this person EVER again, in any way.

I won’t pretend I don’t know what comes with putting yourself out there and creating a public profile like I have done through my blog and my writing, but I don’t think I deserve any of this and I want it to stop.

If I never write on London Preppy again, it will probably be because I’ve been left for dead in a gutter somewhere; but at least everyone will now know who did it.

Thursday 19/08/10

2010-08-19T14:09:00.003+01:00

I'm sure these things are connected to each other somehow, although maybe I'm just saying this to create a - very - tenuous narrative in this random post:

a) My latest tweet says: I'M OBSESSED WITH AMERICA(NS)

b) A friend in London sent me this message a few days ago:

Someone was chatting to me on ___ from abroad and you were given as a reference. See, even in Texas they know you: "Must confess the only thing I know about gay life in London is Chelsea and London Preppy's blog"

THIS PLEASES ME VERY MUCH

c) My next LP post will be a clubbing one. With pictures and verbatim comments. For old times' sake

Bye now

Wednesday 11/08/10

2010-08-11T19:25:00.000+01:00

I am overeating so that I get a stomach ache and take my favorite indigestion pills.

I often get so bored at home in the evenings that I wish somebody would break in.

I’m not ready for the winter clothes that have completely replaced the summer lines in shops

I’m about to give up on reading everything F Scott Fitzgerald ever wrote in order, just to pick up Kafka On The Shore after A Girl’s recommendation

I loathe myself for having felt more satisfaction when buying a magazine I was on the cover of in my pants back in 2008, than when buying a book I have written in this year

Never have things gone better for me, but I can’t help playing with fire and potentially watching it all fall apart

I rent one movie a day from iTunes, but never watch any of them. This has been going on for three weeks

I regret eight of my tattoos. I only have eight

I haven’t taken sleeping pills for two nights in a row and this is my biggest achievement this summer

I sneaked into the cinema when I was 15 to watch the film Kids. I had a dream about Chloe Sevigny last night

Some people don’t deserve happiness; and I’m one of them

Sunday 01/08/10

2010-08-01T09:36:00.000+01:00

Thursday 22/07/10

2010-07-23T11:46:00.006+01:00

(This is in tribute to a friend )

Sunday, 11th April 2010

I turn the key, push the door, walk in my apartment.

On the Blackberry screen in my right hand as I turn on the lights, I’m reading a message from Porter:

“Sorry for the ridiculously long delay in replying. It skipped my mind on the day and just remembered now.

Thanks for liking what I sent you last month. I guess the way I write has changed a bit, yes. I actually can't read old London Preppy at all. I cringe. I almost understand why the haters hated. Anyway.

Is your job upsetting you still? Do you have to work weekends all the time?

Everything is going well in my life if I were to write things down on a piece of paper, but I'm feeling very melancholic. I haven't felt sad like this for a long while. I can't see the point in anything. See? I end up having ridiculous clichéd thoughts like that. "I can't see the point in anything". I'm sure actors turn down scripts on the basis of them including this very line, because it's so trite, predictable. But this is how I feel.

Maybe it's the spring. Maybe that's what's getting me down. Warm spring nights with the windows open, listening to music, nothing to do. I have money and love and relative youth and I don't know what to do with any of it. What do people do with their lives?”

I walk into the kitchen, put the phone down, open the refrigerator and take out a bottle of Krug Grand Cuvée, one of several resting on the top shelf.

Minutes, a Xanax, and half the bottle later, I’m writing back to Porter:

“All I can say in response to your question, "What do people do with their lives?" Whatever they fucking want. There are no guides. No answers. Just theories, some of which are paranoid, or disciplined or reasoned or just plain insane. All I can say to you is do what makes you happy. And if that sounds trite, I apologize for it, but I don't see any other way”

It’s now 7pm in NYC, midnight in London and Nathan instant messages on my Blackberry.

Nathan: Good night, love of my life x
Narrator: Night babe. I'm grumpy again. Argh. Oh well Sunday night I guess. Love ya!
Nathan: You are a funny man. Please don't work yourself into a state for tmrw. This week will be much easier than the last and things are gonna work themselves out.
Nathan: Culminating in me arriving Friday.Yay!
Narrator: Thanks babe, I love you :)
Nathan: Love you too x
Narrator: Night x

Over the next five hours, I:

take more Xanax, watch four episodes of 30 Rock back-to-back, am unable to rest, have three lines of coke, inject my left glute with Winstrol, log on, log off, log on, log off [ad infinitum] to at least four social networking sites, consume 6ml of GBL (in three separate doses, one after each line of coke, diluted in Krug [even though I almost recognize I shouldn’t be doing that]), play the Crookers album twice (repeating Royal T twice through each album spin), panic, come down, shave the sides of my head, panic, panic.

By around midnight I’m starting to feel like an animal trapped in a cage, pacing around, restless, shackled to, mainly, my own state of mind. To set myself free, I have to tie myself up. From a closet in my room, I take out: full body latex suit, gas mask, quick-release metal handcuffs. I put the bodysuit on, do another line of coke, wear the mask, climb on the bed, move my arms behind my back and force the handcuffs on. On my knees, bent over with my head on the mattress, the mild struggle I created myself straining me to a peace of mind, I get a head rush which finally helps me relax. As my chest tightens…

I sense my heart skipping a beat, I fall to the floor, I sense it skipping another, and my mind goes to Nathan: save me. As my heart skips the third beat in a row, I can sense no more.
____________________________________________________________________________

In other news, I've got a book out. Why not go and buy it here? (Don't answer that)

Friday 16/07/10

2010-07-16T23:50:00.000+01:00

Thursday 15/07/10

2010-07-15T12:37:00.001+01:00

Me: I have to call a cleaner today and talk to her about doing my flat. I am scared of this phonecall.

A Girl: Who are you calling? We had a cleaner for years at our Swiss Cottage flat. She didn’t speak English, I have no idea how we communicated; I don’t think we did. When we let her go we gave her double her amount or something like that, and she left a note saying something like:

‘Thank you, I hope you be happy’

I almost kept the note; she seemed to know more about me than I thought.

Me: Did she write that in blood?

A Girl: Could have been, it’s too long ago to remember now.

Saturday 03/07/10

2010-07-03T10:22:00.003+01:00

I FUCKING LOVE YOU, LAMPARD

Wednesday 30/06/10

2010-06-30T16:08:00.002+01:00

"On Monday evening I’m attempting to pack for my trip back home, and if I were writing this the word ‘home’ would be in quotation marks, because I’m packing to go back to the place where I grew up and where my parents still live, all four of them, the place where I grew up but haven’t lived in for twelve years, the place that I haven’t visited for sixteen months, and I suppose maybe this counts as home, but I’m not so sure. Because home is Athens, Greece, a place where I heard a young cousin around my age tell a family gathering that if his son were gay he would ‘slaughter him on his lap’, a place where I was bullied out of school for being gay at the age of 11, when I didn’t even know myself, but several of my schoolmates inexplicably already did"

This is the first paragraph of my short story in the book Boys & Girls, published by Glasshouse Books, out in July and available to pre-order / buy now.

Plug plug plug. Plug in baby; tired of living

Friday 18/06/10

2010-06-19T02:12:00.001+01:00

Carve your name into my arm, instead of stressed I lie here charmed

Wednesday 16/06/10

2010-06-16T20:07:00.008+01:00

Here’s Part 3 of my favourite songs of 2010, covering May / June. Previous parts can be found here: January / February and March / April.

Sorry to keep writing the same introduction, but I don’t expect everyone to be reading every post: These songs can include anything from singles, album tracks, songs found on blogs that will never have a proper release, remixes, out already, soon to be out, whatever. Just as long as they are new from this year and I became aware of them in the last two months.

Here they are, clickable so you can hear them.

(Also, can I just say something. The real finds here are 5 and 6. I could easily sit down and write listening to these two songs on repeat. And I will)

1. XXXO – M.I.A.
2. Baby I’m yours (Aeroplane remix) – Breakbot (I included the original edit of this on a previous list, but I just heard this remix and oh-my-god, etc)
3. Art of uff – Uffie
4. Hurtful (A Copycat remix) – Erik Hassle (I've had the original version of this on my iTunes since March 2009 and it was one of my most played songs last year, but it took a party in Palm Springs where I recently heard this remix for me to re-obsesss for 2010)
5. The kiss – Pallers
6. Journey – Matt Van Schie
7. Here lies love – David Byrne & Fatboy Slim (ft Florence)
8. Illusion of love – Uffie
9. I can change (Stereogamous remix) - LCD Soundsystem
10. Why does the wind (Ewan Person remix) – Tracey Thorn
11. In it together (Polygon Palace remix) – Human Life
12. Alors on danse (DJs from Mars remix) – Stromae
13. Fascinate me (Fred Falke edit) - Florrie
14. Pick up the phone (Michael Van She remix) – Dragonette
15. Oh father - Sia
16. Glory of the night – Young Empires
17. You and my heart – Jack Johnson
18. Me and my guitar – Tom Dice
19. Love (club edit) – Visitor
20. Clay stones (Delivery remix) – We Are The World
21. OOPS
22. The phoenix alive (The Octans edit) – Monarchy
23. Love in darkness – Ali Love
24. Dimmakmmunication – The Bloody Beetroots
25. Jona vark (Shazam remix) – Gypsy And The Cat
27. Prayin' - Plan B
26. Is this on me? - Elite Gymnastics

And since we're halfway through the year, here are my Top 5 albums of 2010 so far:

1. One Life Stand - Hot Chip
2. Sex Dreams & Denim Jeans - Uffie
3. Black Light - Groove Armada
4. Contra - Vampire Weekend
5. This Is Happening - LCD Soundsystem

And by 5, I mean 8:

6. Acolyte - Delphic
7. Volume Two - She & Him
8. Crystal Castles - Crystal Castles

Oh and since we're here, for old times' sake:

Bye now

Sunday 13/06/10

2010-06-13T16:31:00.003+01:00

I’m hanging at this pool party in a house in Los Angeles, because hang is what you’ve got to do, I’m back from driving some girl that I’m dating to the airport, back from dropping her off outside the terminal building, underneath a sign that says Arrivals, having told her to go in the building and look around, she’ll find it (“look around, you’ll find it”, I said) when she asked where exactly Departures were and why I’m dropping her off here.

She’s the love of my life, this month; she’s the girl I’ll grow old with, this week. I tell her the first half of each of these sentences a few times a day.

On the way to the airport she told me that she’s going to miss me, I teared up and told her the same, she said that she’s been waiting for this all her life, I told her I never thought something so wonderful would happen, I never expected this. She said our relationship is perfect, we belong to each other, I told her we’re one, nothing will tear us apart. She said we understand each other perfectly, our relationship doesn’t need any rules, I told her I’ll never want another girl for the rest of my life, I’ll never yearn for someone else, I’m way past carnal desires, she is the one.

Back at the party, it’s 2300, 0000, 0100 on this Saturday night and I’m shamefully high, a shame that I cannot feel. I’ve been partying since Friday afternoon. What I’ve taken: I’m unable to formulate lists in my head at this point, but the list that I need to make should include – four e’s, lines of coke not adding up to half a gram but not far off, one MDMA cap, two Adderall caps, a few shots of GBL. I came down on the way to the airport, I came back up on the way back.

I’m walking around looking for the next free hit from someone or the next person I want to talk to. As it happens the two are never combined.

There are nearly one hundred people in the house, hiding in rooms, splayed on couches, sharing showers, throwing each other in the pool, trying on sunglasses, smoking pot, swapping swimwear, crushing pills, cuddling on beds, taking pictures, dancing, shuffling, fucking, snorting.

I see Katie. She is tall, ridiculously slim and toned in a way that makes you think she can’t hold a real job (what must people think when they share an office), more attractive than anyone at this party. This pool party. In Los Angeles.
I kinda know her and she kinda knows me, although it might just be through facebook, so I go up to her and we talk for a bit, my friend Will walks up to us and joins in, oh look the three of us are now suddenly in the garden hot tub, a quiet spot away from the rest of the party.

Katie is sitting between me and Will, my right leg is touching her left, we’re talking about the song that’s playing loudly through the speakers, joke that the neighbors will call the police soon who will only turn up and tell us to turn the music down until we crank it back up ten minutes later, I’m staring at Will, Will gets the message, climbs out of the hot tub and walks back to the main party.

I’m here with Katie, I’m not sure exactly what’s happening though I know very well, I’m still very high, I’m very relaxed, I’m completely confused but utterly clear, Katie’s left arm over my shoulders, I’m massaging her neck, her ex boyfriend that she came to the party with somewhere in the house, maybe in the pool, the girl that I’m dating lost in the clouds on a plane somewhere, nowhere on my mind, I lean in and kiss Katie on the lips, both my hands on the back of her head, touching her hair, she kisses me back, she’s holding my head now, I feel high, I feel fucking amazing, this is my life, I’m kissing her more, I’m coming up, I’m coming up, I’m coming up, full stop full stop full stop. Full stops everywhere but not for another two days when I’ve finally come down. Full stop.

Thursday 10/06/10

2010-06-10T16:16:00.004+01:00

Hello. "I'm not the greatest salesman" and by that I mean "I am horribly embarrassed about promoting anything at all ever", but since I've wanted this for quite a while, I think I really should mention it.

The book of short stories that includes one I wrote is available to pre-order now. My story is called Exit Through The Wound, the book is called Boys & Girls

Info on the book here:

http://www.glasshousebooks.co.uk/book.php?book=9

Link to buy here:

http://www.glasshousebooks.co.uk/buy.php?book=9

It's £10. I really think you should buy it, for reasons that I can't identify right now, but I'm sure they're out there. Somewhere.

Thanks

Tuesday 10/06/10

2010-06-08T14:36:00.006+01:00

A Girl: Which of the following do you most identify with right now?

Image A:

Image B:

Image C:

Image D:

Me: 100% Image D. AND YOU?

A Girl: 10% Image A / 90% Image D

Me: This is interesting. Image C is my absolute favourite, but I suppose I can build up towards that state later in the evening.

What did you google exactly to get these?

A Girl: I really wanted my state be C as well but I’m not going to lie, it’s just not there today. I’m sure you will build yourself up to it later.

Scare and Die

Me: Thank you. You are a good friend.

Scare and Die. Of course; what else. I've been a fool

Sunday 30/05/10

2010-05-30T18:34:00.005+01:00

Marry me

I used to write a blog called what Preppy now?

Thursday 27/05/10

2010-05-27T12:05:00.002+01:00

I don’t care, I don’t care at all how this seems, I will always be absurdly excited about Eurovision, I haven’t missed one in the last 32 years and I will never miss one in the future. I’ve said this before, I don’t like it in a hilarious / let’s laugh at those ludicrous Europeans / oh-what-a-camp-night way, I like it the way that’s imposed on me, burnt into my psyche through the early years of the 1980s, watching it year after year on a small TV in my parents’ bedroom, a rare night in the year when I could stay up late, memories from a childhood that I’ve mostly blanked out, though this I still remember. And I know from when I used to live in London that Eurovision has become a camp monster in the minds of thousands of gay men, just another event on the gay calendar alongside a Kylie tour or a new Gaga video, but I also know that there are many boys – usually from the Continent – who like it for the same reasons that I do, because it was part of growing up and it makes you feel nostalgic and sad and lovely.

This year, I have a clear favourite and this clear favourite is Belgium. Mind you, I’ve only heard just over half of the songs, because I haven’t watched the second semi-final yet (as it hasn’t happened yet at the time that I’m writing this) and I haven’t looked online for the rest, but this will have to do.

The Belgian entry is sung by a Belgian person called Tom Dice. His song is called Me And My Guitar. I think this is Belgian for My Guitar And I.

Tom Dice is a young, white guy with a nervous disposition, tired eyes that look like he’s stayed up all night and an unfortunate mouth-to-nose ratio, so instantly I can relate 100%. In a direct clash with the rest of the entries which invariably invest in multiple dancers, pyrotechnics, elephants, kitchen sinks and scandalous choreography, Tom Dice just stands there with his guitar and plays his little song. He’s such a rebel you know. For the purposes of loving him (because I want to), I will choose to ignore that this is an equally cynical ploy to stand out and win votes, so you can shut up about it.

Tom Dice’s song is catchy enough, I guess, not that we’d care if it wasn’t at this point, though it doesn’t offer absolutely anything new when you’ve heard a million singer-songwriters before, but he is our preferred Eurovision entry this year and we’ll just have to put up with minor details like that.

His lyrics are laughable, and by laughable I mean brilliant, balancing between English-as-second-language sentimentality (hello me) and self-deprecating underdog nuances (oh hello), with all the depth and impact of sixth-form poetry written by a bullied teenager on a paper napkin and left out in the rain on a grassy field.

More specifically:

Tom Dice’s song starts with the magnificent self-referential line:

“People always say: ‘Tom this is going too far’”

This is instantly brilliant, and I actually think Tom is alluding to Bret Easton Ellis’ Lunar Park with this mixed reality and art technique. Well done, Tom!

Tom continues:

“I’m not afraid to change my dreams
Just me and my guitar”

Awww! Tom! We’re all rooting for you.

And then:

“And no one may ever know
The feelings inside my mind”

You know what, I’ve thought about this. Tom refers to the feelings inside his mind. If Tom wants to feel with his brain, who are we to stop him? For thousands of years lyricists have fallen victim to such clichés as ‘thinking with my head’ and ‘feeling with my heart’. Well enough of that. Tom is using the same non-conformist streak that made him play an acoustic song on the Eurovision stage, to change perceptions we’ve all had about that which human organ does what. And I’m all for him.

Then Tom goes on a bit more about chasing his dreams with his guitar or something and finally he gets to the song’s core, its existentialist backbone, with the following tortured couplet:

“So maybe I should get a nine to five
And I don’t wanna let it go
There’s so much more to life”

At this point, practically the whole of Europe is screaming “NO, NO, TOM! DON’T GET A 9 TO 5, DON’T END UP LIKE THE REST OF US. There IS so much more to life, and you’re going out there and get it buddy”, practically elevating him to a representative of the people, a Prince of Hearts, a hero for all us tormented office workers (I’m pretending to have a job now for the purposes of this) who gave up our dreams, got a 9 to 5 (I love that phrase) and can only live vicariously through the success of people like Tom, who broke away, followed the feeling inside their minds, didn’t compromise and chased the dream.

If Tom wins Eurovision, it will be a victory for everyone in Europe who has a job that kills them, for everyone who settled.

If Tom doesn’t win Eurovision, I fear the worst, because the proletariat has had enough, and this might be the last drop. I pray that I’m wrong, but I see bloodshed.

Here’s Tom.

Friday 21/05/10

2010-05-21T21:03:00.000+01:00

I am making two playlists. One is called How Modern Do You Want It. It's for driving up the coast in California. The other is callled Weak As I Am. It's for driving into the desert in California. Saying that, I don't like the name for the second one much. Any recommendations?

Saturday 08/05/10

2010-05-08T12:24:00.003+01:00

Imperial Bedrooms, the sequel to Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis is out on the 15th of June.

Can I have an advance copy of Imperial Bedrooms from someone, somewhere now please? For God's sake, I have the guy's name tattooed on my arm. And 'Less Than Zero' down my back.

Bret?